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Stripper Music Monday: Closing Songs

It’s the end of the night. The last girl slinks off the stage as hardcore hustlers make their last rounds and those too tired or jaded to try line up to check out. Horror stories are exchanged between those of us doing the sore-foot shuffle and those tapping out quick texts to friends, rides, after-hours party buddies, and sleepy significant others.

At my club, we wait to check out in a service stairwell near the floor host station. Only after all the customers have gone, including anyone left in the champagne rooms, is the DJ’s duty done. When he plays that last song, our collective Pavlovian response goes into overdrive—finally, we can file back out onto the empty floor and sit down. In our jeans, even! Sometimes, that last song doesn’t come on until well after 3 a.m., and sometimes I’m the one stuck in a champagne room after hours, praying for mercy (and a decent tip), but no matter how tired I am, I can’t help singing along when I hear my club’s ridiculous closing song:

Stripper Music Monday: Sarah Katherine Lewis’ Top Five “Fuck You” Songs

Any stripper worth her tear-away schoolgirl skirt can stage-dance to “(She’s) Sexy + 17” by the Stray Cats and make a few bucks. It’s not hard: the music is an irresistible anthem to statutory rape. If your audience is full of dudes in Ed Hardy shirts with brand new tattoos (or if you’re working in Portland, Ore., which may be redundant), toss it on and vacuum up the money with my blessings.* It doesn’t matter how old you are, because it’s not about you—it’s about your customers’ fond memories of hot high school girls they wished they’d fucked 20 years ago. Spin to win, Dancing Queen (and if the stage-lighting’s bad, slap a little Dermablend on that C-section scar before you go up).

There are certain hero tracks that nearly any stripper can make money to.  You’ve probably got a go-to list of your own. “Closer,” by Nine Inch Nails, “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” by The Revolting Cocks, that annoying singing monks song by Enigma, anything by Portishead or Sade—they work because they work, and if you’re there to make money, those classic tracks are your friends. I’m not here to cast aspersions on “Erotic City” (Prince) or “Fade Into You” (Mazzy Star). I’ve danced to them on many occasions myself. They’re decent moneymakers and most DJs have them at their fingertips in case you’ve shown up to your shift late without your CD. These songs are a stripper’s meat and potatoes.

But sometimes the house just hates you no matter what you’re dancing to. Maybe it’s your look: in a houseful of tiny blondes, you’re a chubby brunette. Or maybe you’re a woman of color, or an older dancer, or heavily tattooed, or maybe you just aren’t good at extinguishing that spark of intelligence in your eyes that’s anathema to customers who need to feel a sense of intellectual superiority in order to get their dicks hard. In any case you’re not what they’re looking for, and they’re determined to punish you for failing to meet their needs as consumers.

Stripper Music Monday: Kayla


I knew I wanted to be a singer, songwriter and performer from a young age–creativity has always been one of my best qualities. However, due to my slightly reserved and shy nature, let’s just say I needed a push. I began writing music when I began dancing and needless to say it’s been an equal influence on my personality as well as my creative background. I am inspired by the hustle, various types of women I have worked with, and the sense of freedom and empowerment I have gained by becoming my own creative manager.

There’s Seven and then there’s Kayla. Seven is the entertainer, and Kayla is the sex and power-crazed motivator. Kayla thrives in a club located near the industrial heart of Portland. She smirks when she’s happily up to something and bats her double-layered 111 lashes under the black light. Two things make her happy: money and probably the most important, music. I brought Seven and Kayla to life around the same time. Kayla lends Seven a sexual helping hand when writing, while Seven gives Kayla that something extra to stand out amongst the crowd. Part of me wonders if my writing would be as captivating if I hadn’t set foot in the industry. When I am in motion, there is a sense of freedom. It’s my form of meditation and my greatest concepts appear to me this way. I always carry a pen and pad while I am at work, or anywhere at that matter. I do my best to remember my thoughts and not jet during a lapdance, although I have done that a few times…

Stripper Music Monday: Grace Potter Respects Strippers Enough To Stare And Not Tip

From Cincinnati CityBeat:

GP: I knew what I wanted “Paris (Ooh La La)” to be. I had a concept of what I wanted the video to look like. But we really wanted to see how dancers move and watch these girls dance to our songs. A lot of these clubs would be playing “Paris” in the club which is really crazy to see. We were in New Orleans and that was the first time we ever saw an exotic dancer dancing to our song which was a real inspiration actually. It may sound cheap, but it was a really fulfilling experience to see the string of dancers moving to our music. What we do there, it’s not a degrading experience, and we’re not throwing dollar bills or anything like that. We are the quiet weird band that lurks in the corner.

CB:  That’s even worse I think. You are the creepy people in the back.

Stripper Music Monday: Electric Stripper

Laceandlucite graciously agreed to let us share the stripper mix she made last month. While I cannot stand LMFAO, there’s no arguing that this mix is a good, comprehensive overview of current stripper hits: you’ve got your Adele remix, some dubstep, and ubiquitous songs by Usher and Pitbull. She also adds some lesser-known tracks, like any good DJ. The lovely dancer who made this tape tumbls here and is a quality follow.