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I Pretend I’m Horny, You Pretend You’re A Dog: Performing Consent In The Club

(Image via Comically Vintage)
(Image via Comically Vintage)

There was a post going around the stripper tumblrsphere about what is probably one of the most common lap dance rejections of all time:

“I would love to but I just don’t think I could control myself.”

It’s the perfect way for customers to say no; phrased as a compliment (of sorts), it expresses interest and desire, encouraging the dancer to continue her attempts to sell and thus give the customer more attention without him committing to anything. They usually deliver this excuse with a cute smile, like it’s a joke.

I recognize that they are trying to be charming—even trying to compliment me on my attractiveness!—but it’s so hard to bite my tongue and not ask, “In what world is having less self control than my chihuahua something you want to admit to?” If I’m having a good enough night and don’t need the money or energy, if I really can’t stop myself from beginning a profitless (literally and figuratively!) interaction, I’ll try to answer in a way that highlights what a stupid, embarrassing, insulting and creepy thing that is to say.

“Oh, you’re an adult, I’m sure we’ll be fine. I mean you’ve gotten this far in life!”

“No, no, you’re too hot, I wouldn’t be able to help myself.” This response is accompanied by a sad, regretful face. It is my fault that my sex appeal will make them lose control.

“Really? You have less self control than my dog?”

“Men are dogs.” Another sad, regretful face.

The Making of a Strip Club Story

Susannah Breslin inspires strong reactions. Three times I have mentioned her to friends and received a variation on this response: “She’s mean.” We don’t even agree about her at Tits and Sass! Since I’m prone to being wrongly interpreted as mean at times, I feel a kinship with her. Full disclosure: Breslin employed me as a freelancer during her time at another site.

Right now she’s writing the Pink Slipped blog at Forbes.com and is chronicling her work writing a story about the economics of strip clubs in a series called “How Your Journalism Sausage Gets Made”. She started this series back in April, and picks it up again today with an interview with a dancer named Cash. This series is geared towards journalists and is a detailed look at the work of reporting a story; being cockblocked by those who control access, finding alternate sources of information and means of entry, allowing what the story actually is to reveal itself to you instead of going in trying to prove the one you’ve already written.

One way—and possibly the biggest—journalists get sex work wrong is by neglecting its economics and focusing on the social factors. Missing the money is missing the point! If there wasn’t any money involved, it wouldn’t be sex work. It would just be sex. Of course, there’s no accurate way to report on the income of individual dancers. Most dancers either exaggerate or lowball their income or don’t track it to begin with, so even “honest” self-reporting isn’t going to reflect actual income. And clubowners are unlikely to report actual income, although in Texas, the tax revenues from sales of alcoholic beverages are a matter of public record, so these can be used to arrive at a rough estimate of what kind of drink volume a club is doing. If Breslin actually gets some hard data out of this series, I’ll be delighted.

Hole Survivor: Meet the Woman Behind Portland’s Most Beautiful Vagina

Atlas and Vagina Beauty Pageant visionary DJ Dick Hennessy

The 3rd Annual Vagina Beauty Pageant was held at Portland’s Club Rouge on July 19th, 2012. Kat covered the “vageant” for Tits and Sass last year if you’re having a hard time believing this really exists. We spoke with the proud owner of this year’s prettiest vagina, miss Atlas of Golden Dragon Exotic Club.

So, was this your first time doing any kind of competition?

Yes, this was my first time ever competing in anything and I was so nervous!

The Week in Stripper Links

Maryland 4th Circuit Court upholds ruling that new restrictions on strip clubs are unconstitutional

Could be as huge as Oregon’s ruling 30 years ago that declared nude dance protected free speech. MD is one of the few states in the U.S. where clubs can have fully nude dancers and fully stocked bars.

Harry Potter, dubstep, pole dancing, cats.

You can download the dubstep remix of the Harry Potter theme to use when you dress like Hermione at work next Halloween.

Man steals $314 from stripper’s garter

The use of “garter belt” for garter annoys me. A garter belt has straps and holds up stockings. A garter is a single circular leg strap that holds on to money.

A great 3000-word Super Bowl stripper blog report from the Lodge in Dallas

Seattle strip club, under siege from local LE, uses the old “we create jobs!” defense in Stranger ad

Anna Nicole: The Opera opens in London

The costumes!

The Pussycat Lounge: not going away after all?

CL ad seeks underemployed attorneys to give lapdances and legal advice.

Girl, Undressed (2008)

afouler3 by Caty and Red

12/9/2013 update: Yesterday, several commenters pointed out that speculating on the author’s trauma history was inappropriate of us. Upon reflection, we agree that this was specious and unnecessary, and apologize deeply for doing so.

Red: I love stripper memoirs; I buy them all indiscriminately and hope for the best. Strippers are like my family, people I love and hate and get driven crazy by but keep returning to. So you know I read Girl, Undressed when I found a copy at Powell’s. And I hated it. When Caty asked if I wanted to co-review it, I got giddy at the idea of sharing my outrage. Is there anything more fun that being righteously furious with a friend?

For those of you who haven’t read it, Girl, Undressed follows Fowler on a dank and seamy voyage, to places only “the ruined” (her term) can sink. She stumbles around early 2000s Manhattan, a weary traveler promising a glimpse at a New York not “vacuum-packed and delivered to your tastefully decorated abodes via HBO… there’ll be a sad lack of shopping expeditions to Bergdorf’s to punctuate each chapter’s end.” In other words, Fowler is not Carrie Bradshaw (but then who is) and I’m also gathering that she’s not writing this for me or her sisters-in-degradation/fellow strippers.