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Lapdance Furniture: RANKED

What’s the best place to make business? A ranking from worst to best.

No Photos, Please!

twitter tiff

Kat and I recently had an exchange on twitter with a strip club customer I’ll call “Jay.” It started after I tweeted, “4 girls in bikinis shooting an ad in front of a strip club when a lady stops her car to take pics of us w/her phone” and “It’s totally inappropriate! You should ALWAYS ask first before taking someone’s photo, especially if it’s a woman in a swimsuit.” Jay didn’t see what the big problem was, so I tried to educate him, but you can only say so much with 140 characters.

Blond Leading the Blind: How To Go On A First Date Like A Stripper

You’ve met someone. Ask him if he has a business card (so you can google that shit and make sure he doesn’t have a wife…or worse, a LinkedIn profile). When he asks for your number, just give him your email address and explain that you have a smart phone so it’s basically the same thing as calling you. Pretend not to hear him if he tries to point out that it’s not the same thing at all. Shake his hand to see what kind of handshake he has. Then use some hand sanitizer because he could have been masturbating or doing that tucking-his-boner-into-the-waist-of-his-pants-thing in the bathroom. Offer him some so that you don’t hurt his feelings.

The Angry Stripper Outed (?)

from the @AngryStripper Twitter feed

Today the Houston Press published a blog post by Richard Connelly about stripper blogger/tweeter @AngryStripper (Sarahtress), with what they seem to think is the bombshell revelation that a stripper is also a journalist working for the local daily. But really. How closeted is a stripper who posts face photos and whose Twitter profile lists something close to her real full name?

Sarah is kind of snobby in her stripper posts and tweets, but her bluntness is part of her charm (except for the occasional racism). Reading that she writes society coverage for the Houston Chronicle is unsurprising to readers familiar with her sweetly bitchy tone. Plus, what better background could there possibly be for covering Houston socialites? Anna Nicole Smith was far from the only woman to go from stripping at Rick’s to marrying a millionaire, y’all. There are undoubtedly a good number of former dancers and escorts among the women throwing charity balls and volunteering at (probably) MD Anderson.

The Greatest Strip Club Song Of All Time: Sweet Sixteen

stripperballWe’re down to the regional finalists in our contest to determine The Greatest Strip Club Song Of All Time! Congratulations to the top four in each region, and good luck! Here is the complete bracket and here is a Spotify playlist of the remaining sixteen contestants.

The Hip Hop/R&B region has played out in surprising fashion, with three double-digit seeds moving into the Sweet Sixteen. Unsurprisingly, “Pony” continues its domination of the field, next facing Khia’s ode to cunnilingus, “My Neck, My Back,” fresh off a decisive pounding of “Perfect Gentleman.” Telling a dude to go down  >  Captain