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Stripper Music Monday: Sexy Picks For April 1

Spring is sprung and so are the customers; once the vernal equinox kicks in, the whole world’s extra horny. So when you’re taking the stage this week, go all out and play these, the sexiest possible songs to strip to. We’ve pulled together the best, can’t-fail, guaranteed to draw customers to the rack picks for your stage sets this week, all of which come from first-or-second-hand experience as actual songs heard in the strip club. Here’s the full playlist on YouTube.

“That Smell,” Lynyrd Skynyrd

When the DJ plays this for you, you know you’ve been tipping him great and he’s trying to send the customers a message that they should get up close and personal.

“She’s Got The Jack,” AC/DC

You want the customers to know you’re up for a good time!

Stripper Music Monday: Kayla

Kayla

I knew I wanted to be a singer, songwriter and performer from a young age–creativity has always been one of my best qualities. However, due to my slightly reserved and shy nature, let’s just say I needed a push. I began writing music when I began dancing and needless to say it’s been an equal influence on my personality as well as my creative background. I am inspired by the hustle, various types of women I have worked with, and the sense of freedom and empowerment I have gained by becoming my own creative manager.

There’s Seven and then there’s Kayla. Seven is the entertainer, and Kayla is the sex and power-crazed motivator. Kayla thrives in a club located near the industrial heart of Portland. She smirks when she’s happily up to something and bats her double-layered 111 lashes under the black light. Two things make her happy: money and probably the most important, music. I brought Seven and Kayla to life around the same time. Kayla lends Seven a sexual helping hand when writing, while Seven gives Kayla that something extra to stand out amongst the crowd. Part of me wonders if my writing would be as captivating if I hadn’t set foot in the industry. When I am in motion, there is a sense of freedom. It’s my form of meditation and my greatest concepts appear to me this way. I always carry a pen and pad while I am at work, or anywhere at that matter. I do my best to remember my thoughts and not jet during a lapdance, although I have done that a few times…

Naked Music Monday: “What A Way To Make A Living”

image via The Gloss
image via The Gloss

Hooking is  definitely one of the better jobs I’ve had, but it’s still a job, and sometimes it gets me down. A slow week, a jerk client, a particularly gross newspaper article, being outed by a friend—it can be hard to keep your spirits up and your head in the money-making mindset amid all that noise. At those times, I like to take refuge in quality pop music and pithy political analysis. These songs combine both.

Dolly Parton, “9 to 5”

We all gotta work, and Dolly Parton (my hero) has always been pretty savvy about using what she’s got to get ahead. She also knows it’s not easy, and she never sugar-coats it either. If there’s a catchier, more incisive pop song about working women negotiating capitalism’s daily grind, I want to hear about it (I mean that, please tell me about it, I love that shit). This song never fails to perk me up before a particularly dire day or night of work. Whichever 9 to 5 you work, Dolly is there for you.


Salt-n-Pepa, “None of Your Business”

“Opinions are like assholes and everybody’s got one”.

Stripper Music Monday: The Sad Stripper Trope Exemplified

Reposted with permission from Jacq the Stripper.

I found this music video. It made me so angry I wanted to vomit.


(Eds. note: this song is absolutely terrible.)

Behold, another sad girl who “drinks all day, dances all night.” She’s sad; she misses her daddy; she’s a cutter; her boss is abusive and – gasp! – she does drugs.

This is the story line of Beech’s new music video, “Dance for the Money.”

About four seconds into it, I want to throw my laptop across the room.

First of all, if we’re dancing all night, we are also probably drinking at the same time. During the day, we are SLEEPING. BECAUSE WE ARE TIRED FROM DANCING FOR YOUR JUDGY SELF.

This sad stripper trope has got to stop.

Stripper Music Monday: Rihanna’s “Pour It Up” Is A Girls’ Club

pouritup2Big news this week! Pop superstar extraordinaire Rihanna has changed careers. She’s finally going to pursue her true passion.

Rihanna became a stripper.