It’s that time again! One of our faithful readers has a pressing question and we sexy geniuses are here to answer. If you too are struggling with a sex work related dilemma, you can email info [at] titsandsass.com and we’ll try to shed some light on the situation.
Dear Tits and Sass,
My hubby and I have found ourselves living next door to someone who I am assuming is, uh, working out of their home. We see strange men coming and going, hear lots of sexytime noises at all hours of the day or night, and recently other neighbors have taken to leaving threatening notes on this person’s door. We aren’t as disturbed by the noise as others since we have a loud air conditioner (although sometimes it can be obnoxious) but the downstairs (I’m assuming) neighbor has been leaving notes threatening to “press charges.” I feel bad for the lady next door, but I also am pretty terrified of the strange people coming in and out right next to my apartment.
My BF is a former client. When I first met him I was in my early 30s and really popular. I saw him once or twice… I missed a couple appointments and he stopped seeing me.
Over the years my business slowed down. I operated UTR, mostly relying on regulars…After almost eight years my client who would become my BF contacted me for a date. I didn’t remember him, but he showed me an old review he did about me back then on one of the boards. He started seeing me twice a week. We did some overnighters and we started spending social time together. He was open-minded and generous. At the time, I was barely making it. He started paying for dates in advance. He signed a lease for me and he wanted to move in.
I liked him, but I was still escorting. I wanted him to help me, but I wasn’t willing to give up my freedom. He said he could deal with me not living with him and me continuing to work. He was OK as long as we still saw each other regularly.
[But] after a few months, it was clear that the relationship was really stressing him out. There was tension between us around me not operating securely enough. He tried to give me instructions about running my business. After some arguments, he finally conceded that I had been doing this for a long time and that I knew how to take care of myself.
He never asked me to quit, but I knew every time I told him that I had an appointment it caused him pain. Bottom line, I told him I was retiring. He was so happy. I told him I would go to school and get my education.
So for nearly two years I have been lying to him. I did go to school, but my school closed down. I took down my old contact information, but my review site is still up with all the old information on it. I changed my stage name and I have been operating UTR for nearly two years. He still pays my rent but threatens to cut me off unless we live together. He looks for me occasionally on the boards, but my new name protects me and he wants to believe me.
He loves me. I love him like my generous uncle. His money is not endless and he wants a commitment or he is going to cut me loose. I have mixed feelings. He has been good to me and he has given me a lot. I have a five-year-old. My BF has been generous and kind to her.
I’m getting older, but I think if I was more public I would still have a good five to eight years to make money. Should I give him a break and let him go while he still has some money left?
I’ve been a sex worker since 2010 and until recently, haven’t done much else. I graduated with honors from a very good college back in 2006, but the working world has kicked my ass. I could cite some mental health and substance issues, but that would be a copout. I think I’ve just been plagued with a lack of direction and downright laziness. For about a month now, I’ve had serious stripper burnout coupled with “double life” burnout. The constant lying and endless small talk is getting under my skin. Plus, sex work enables my many vices, from drinking to smoking to risky sexual behavior to erratic sleep and diet.
As another tax season commences, I know I’m going to be looking at the same stagnant 40-50K income I’ve made the last three tax years. Super stripper I am not, plus I just turned 30. I’m hoping to gain advice on how to land a straight job now (I can’t just concoct three years of normal work) and how to gloss over this aspect of my life when I apply for a Ph.D. this Fall. My aim is to earn a Ph.D. that makes a six-figure income realistic.
I’ve made some efforts to get my ducks in a row through volunteering and taking undergrad level classes relevant to my desired degree. I have an in at a job that would be a great building block toward my desired career. But I’m worried about awkward interview moments. People finding things online. For someone who lies constantly, yet isn’t the best bullshit artist, I need to bullshit my way through job interviews in the near future.
I have been a sex worker for about nine years now, in a variety of capacities. The past three years I’ve lived and worked as an upscale independent escort in a several different cities. I have regulars in three cities, a website, and a mailing list with about 800 people on it. This fall I’m starting school, working towards a professional degree (in a city where I have never worked). I am trying to come up with the best plan for resigning from the business, while keeping the door open to work again if I need to or want to. The risk-benefit analysis favors very heavily on the side of completely quitting and trying as much as possible to erase all evidence of ever having existed (taking down my website, delisting off TER, deleting my gmail account, etc.). In fact, I have become even more paranoid than I used to be about screening, because if something negative should happen now I would likely lose my ability to pursue the professional degree I’m after and have to keep doing sex work (I’m feeling burnt out and ready to move on) until I came up with another plan. But part of me fears losing this business I spent so much time building, in case I should need it (with an already established good reputation) in the future. I also wish to keep the ability to call on my regulars, so as to work without advertising (if I want to)—and I don’t want them to know where I’m going to school or even what city I’m moving to. And, to some extent most relevantly, I want to make as absolutely much money as possible before I retire my online presence (as much as possible, given the number of “stolen” ads of mine that are floating out there) in August. What are the best tips and tricks for getting the most cash out of retirement, and then disappearing off the face of the internet, without burning all my bridges?
Editors’ Note: Today’s Dear Tits and Sass is unexpectedly timely considering recent events in Washington, D.C. Anonymous tweeter @NatSecWonk was outed as White House employee Jofi Joseph and summarily fired. But he didn’t have just one anonymous Twitter handle; it looks as though he is also behind @dchobbyist, the epitome of the worst kind of client, one who seeks to rank women numerically on TER while describing every perceived flaw in detail and considers haggling over price to be a point of pride. It seems only right that the kind of hubris it would take to think you could get away with an anon account from the White House would come from a “hobbyist.” So! On to our own national security questions.
Dear Tits and Sass,
Could you do a post expanding on a topic brought up by one of the articles you included in the Week in Links for September 27, about whether sex work (in that case, stripping) can keep someone from getting a security clearance? The article was great, but it leaves me with some questions especially because of the fact that stripping is legal, but other kinds of sex work are not. In general I’d love to hear any additional perspective that you guys can dig up.
I’m sure I’m not the only one out there worrying about this, but there are very few places that this kind of question can be asked, so I thank you sincerely for considering this as a post topic.
Dear Tits and Sass,
