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Dear Tits and Sass: Breaking Up With a Regular Client Edition

Image via Sassyology
Image via Sassyology

Dear Tits and Sass,

I need help breaking up with a long time client. He is a very sweet guy and if I were to describe our dates (lots of time out in public: dinners, shows, etc.) it would sound like a pretty cushy gig. The problem is that I find being physical with him deeply, deeply repulsive. Not like I’m so hot for my other clients, but it’s a real challenge with this guy. I regularly find myself closing my eyes and trying to breathe without letting *any* expression cross my face—forget about me faking pleasure, I’m merely hoping to not betray my urge to run. Let me stress that he is not abusive or demanding, and he doesn’t hurt me.

I feel like he’s usually aware that I’m hating every second we’re naked together, but he’s so taken with me he lets it slide. The last time we did an overnight together, I dreamed about screaming at him that he was horrible and I never wanted to see him again. He’s not horrible, but I can’t talk my body out of feeling completely miserable during sex with him. We’ve known each other for over a year now, seen each other for long dates at least 15 times, and I have no idea how to break it off. I can’t pretend I’m retiring, and I don’t want to take down the overnight option from my website. (Seeing him for a short period of time won’t really help anyway; I’ve tried, and it still sucks.) But I’ve got to do something because in the days in advance of seeing him, I start feeling really sad and panicked. I don’t think it’s healthy for me to see him anymore, no matter how much money is at stake. Please help!

Sincerely,
SMS (Save My Sanity) 

Dear Tits and Sass: Noisy Ladyparts Edition

via PipiTheCracker

This Dear Tits and Sass goes out to all the working girls with unruly vaginas. Good luck getting those suckers under control! As always, if you are struggling with a sex work related dilemma, you can email info [at] titsandsass.com and we’ll give some advice or at least some moral support. Reminder: we cannot tell you how to successfully break the law, so don’t ask (Aspiring hookers, this means you).

Dear Tits and Sass

I have been a stripper a little over a week and have an embarrassing problem. When I give a lap-dance, I sit on the guy and dance a little with legs open. Sometimes some air gets into my vag. When I change positions, or if they ask me to show them my cunt, maneuvering to give them a good view often means that I queef. I am mortified when this happens, as it totally puts me off and breaks me out of my ‘stripper persona.’ Researching on google, it seems there is not much I can do about it other than possibly Kegels? But for some people it seems to make it even louder, so I really don’t know. 🙁
Thanks for your help,
The Queefer

Dear Tits And Sass: What About The Résumé Gap?

MelanieDear Tits and Sass,

I’ve been a sex worker since 2010 and until recently, haven’t done much else. I graduated with honors from a very good college back in 2006, but the working world has kicked my ass. I could cite some mental health and substance issues, but that would be a copout. I think I’ve just been plagued with a lack of direction and downright laziness. For about a month now, I’ve had serious stripper burnout coupled with “double life” burnout. The constant lying and endless small talk is getting under my skin. Plus, sex work enables my many vices, from drinking to smoking to risky sexual behavior to erratic sleep and diet.

As another tax season commences, I know I’m going to be looking at the same stagnant 40-50K income I’ve made the last three tax years. Super stripper I am not, plus I just turned 30. I’m hoping to gain advice on how to land a straight job now (I can’t just concoct three years of normal work) and how to gloss over this aspect of my life when I apply for a Ph.D. this Fall. My aim is to earn a Ph.D. that makes a six-figure income realistic.

I’ve made some efforts to get my ducks in a row through volunteering and taking undergrad level classes relevant to my desired degree. I have an in at a job that would be a great building block toward my desired career. But I’m worried about awkward interview moments. People finding things online. For someone who lies constantly, yet isn’t the best bullshit artist, I need to bullshit my way through job interviews in the near future.

Help!

Mind the Gap

Dear Tits And Sass: Agency Edition

Time again for us to share our thoughts on the many dilemmas that arise around sex work. And this question is a doozy. The issue of whether or not to work for an agency is surely one to stir up debate, so feel free to leave your own insights and experiences in the comment. And if you’ve got a problem, email info [at] titsandsass.com and we’ll do our best to help or call in a guest who can. Please note this offer is only good for current sex workers with work-related inquiries. 

Dear Tits and Sass,

Now that Craigslist is no longer such a useful arena for scouring out clients, and I am not sure where to turn. I am considering working for an escort agency. The splits I have found out about from a few of them seem quite a lot less compared to how much I charged on my own, and I am a bit nervous about not having total control over how I want to do sex work, yet it also seems like a relatively easy way to make stable money. What are some things to expect from working for an agency? Is it safe and the diminished splits worthwhile? Is sex or a photography session expected at the initial “interview”? Are there questions I should ask or things to establish before I decide to start?

Sincerely,
Seeking Business

Dear Tits And Sass: Review-Free Edition

Carrie Graber’s “Elegant Lady in a Black Dress”

We’ve already established that reviews are one of the most hated aspects of indoor work, so it’s only natural for us to want to avoid them. But how, oh how, can such a feat be accomplished? If you are a current sex worker facing a work-related challenge, you can email info [at] titsandsass.com and we’ll do our best to help or call in a guest who can. (Please no “how do I get started hooking” questions. We’re not trying to end up like Heidi Fleiss.)

Dear Tits & Sass,

I’ve been escorting for under a year, and for most of that time I’ve been working for an agency that could be said to fall under the “blue-collar agency” category. We work for $260-300 per hour, minus fees, and I’d say the independent girls in my city generally list similar prices based on the ads I see around the review boards. I’m interested in the leap that some escorts make to the so-called high class stratum where prices drift upwards, volume drifts down, appointments start at two hours and not 30 minutes, independence is ubiquitous, and where client reviews are unnecessary, if not outright forbidden. I certainly see evidence of girls at that level in major cities, but not so much in mine, though I’d be willing to bet there’s a market for it. So, seeing as the most distasteful aspect of indie work (to me) is review board culture, I’d love to hear what anyone has to say on transcending that snake pit, and going for gold. Tips on advertising, especially, without the good word of the local hobbyists, would be especially fascinating.

I’m in Calgary, AB, but I’m happy to take advice from Americans, because the biggest difference in standards of practice seems to be intensity of screening, and I’m inclined to work that way anyway as cops still love to bust indoor workers for things like running an incall. Our laws are different, but culturally we’re so similar that I’d say most Canadians wouldn’t know that, and would assume prostitution is as illegal here as it is there. Our police seem to forget it, too, sometimes.

Love,

Medium-Class Call Girl