It’s that time again! One of our faithful readers has a pressing question and we sexy geniuses are here to answer. If you too are struggling with a sex work related dilemma, you can email info [at] titsandsass.com and we’ll try to shed some light on the situation.
Dear Tits and Sass,
My hubby and I have found ourselves living next door to someone who I am assuming is, uh, working out of their home. We see strange men coming and going, hear lots of sexytime noises at all hours of the day or night, and recently other neighbors have taken to leaving threatening notes on this person’s door. We aren’t as disturbed by the noise as others since we have a loud air conditioner (although sometimes it can be obnoxious) but the downstairs (I’m assuming) neighbor has been leaving notes threatening to “press charges.” I feel bad for the lady next door, but I also am pretty terrified of the strange people coming in and out right next to my apartment.
I was with my boyfriend for two years and we decided to take a break at the beginning of this year, shortly after which I began stripping. We recently got back together and I still can’t pluck up the courage to tell him about my new job, which I love. Problem is, his ex-wife was a stripper and he harbors a lot of negative attitude towards strippers and the sex industry in general, and has said some things that make me uncomfortable telling him (“I couldn’t date another stripper”) as well as the fact I’m scared he would tell my parents out of concern. The longer I keep it from him the worse it will look, and besides I think he suspects it already. Help, please!
We’ve already established that reviews are one of the most hated aspects of indoor work, so it’s only natural for us to want to avoid them. But how, oh how, can such a feat be accomplished? If you are a current sex worker facing a work-related challenge, you can email info [at] titsandsass.com and we’ll do our best to help or call in a guest who can. (Please no “how do I get started hooking” questions. We’re not trying to end up like Heidi Fleiss.)
Dear Tits & Sass,
I’ve been escorting for under a year, and for most of that time I’ve been working for an agency that could be said to fall under the “blue-collar agency” category. We work for $260-300 per hour, minus fees, and I’d say the independent girls in my city generally list similar prices based on the ads I see around the review boards. I’m interested in the leap that some escorts make to the so-called high class stratum where prices drift upwards, volume drifts down, appointments start at two hours and not 30 minutes, independence is ubiquitous, and where client reviews are unnecessary, if not outright forbidden. I certainly see evidence of girls at that level in major cities, but not so much in mine, though I’d be willing to bet there’s a market for it. So, seeing as the most distasteful aspect of indie work (to me) is review board culture, I’d love to hear what anyone has to say on transcending that snake pit, and going for gold. Tips on advertising, especially, without the good word of the local hobbyists, would be especially fascinating.
I’m in Calgary, AB, but I’m happy to take advice from Americans, because the biggest difference in standards of practice seems to be intensity of screening, and I’m inclined to work that way anyway as cops still love to bust indoor workers for things like running an incall. Our laws are different, but culturally we’re so similar that I’d say most Canadians wouldn’t know that, and would assume prostitution is as illegal here as it is there. Our police seem to forget it, too, sometimes.
Those two biblical lovebirds, Ruth and Boaz. (image via the New York Public Library Digital Collection)
Dear Tits and Sass,
I’m 28 and I’ve been a stripper for almost seven years. The last couple have definitely been the hardest, but the most profitable. I’ve created a life better than I could have imagined for myself before I started dancing—riding horses at nationally rated jumping shows, buying a house, driving a nice car, zero student debt and actual time to go to college as an adult, traveling to marathons and going on luxury vacations often, eating healthy food, and more. I wake up every day to a life I love, good friends, my pups. I’ve spent the single years doing my own thing.
I’m ready for and really want a partner. I haven’t dated in almost five years, save for a month of dating an impotent obese man. My 65-year-old customers probably have exponentially more sex than I do. Dear God, I want a steady flow of conversation that doesn’t involve being paid, and holy cow I would love a steady supply of dick before my vagina dries out like the Sahara. Online dating was a big fail on one free site and two paid sites—the few dates I had were either okay and didn’t work out, or sucked. I choose not to date customers of the club I work for as a personal boundary. I’m not so much into casual sex, but the few partners I’ve tried have led me to believe that I’m an unsatisfying-penis magnet.
It’s gotten to the point where even thinking about dating really sucks, and makes me unhappy for days when someone brings up the idea. It seems like as soon as I reveal my job, guys either flee or do the “trophying” thing until it quickly gets old for them. Recently, a friend wanted to introduce me to her boyfriend’s attractive pal. When I asked her if she’d told him about my job, she said she and her boyfriend would wait for me to tell him.
I feel like I’m tricking someone into a date with me if I don’t come with a huge red flag, a scarlet “S,” and some infamous Jaws-esque warning music. I don’t want to quit my job, and I’m not apologetic about what I do, but it does seem to be a big deal to men who aren’t meth addicts, have all their teeth, and live indoors. I don’t think it’s fair if they’re set up on an outing with me if they’re being…um, tricked. I’d want to know if someone was setting me up with someone that had a pretty big possible dealbreaker.
My question is: How in the fuck do I start dating again? Do I tell prospective gentlemen about my job, and when? Should my friend tell this man about my job before he decides whether he would like an outing with me? Do I lie entirely for as long as I can, despite my work being at obvious hours, and the stilettos and g-string laundry that litter my house? How long do I lie? Do I really have to wait another six-to-sever years (quittin’ time) before men will take me seriously as a partner?
My BF is a former client. When I first met him I was in my early 30s and really popular. I saw him once or twice… I missed a couple appointments and he stopped seeing me.
Over the years my business slowed down. I operated UTR, mostly relying on regulars…After almost eight years my client who would become my BF contacted me for a date. I didn’t remember him, but he showed me an old review he did about me back then on one of the boards. He started seeing me twice a week. We did some overnighters and we started spending social time together. He was open-minded and generous. At the time, I was barely making it. He started paying for dates in advance. He signed a lease for me and he wanted to move in.
I liked him, but I was still escorting. I wanted him to help me, but I wasn’t willing to give up my freedom. He said he could deal with me not living with him and me continuing to work. He was OK as long as we still saw each other regularly.
[But] after a few months, it was clear that the relationship was really stressing him out. There was tension between us around me not operating securely enough. He tried to give me instructions about running my business. After some arguments, he finally conceded that I had been doing this for a long time and that I knew how to take care of myself.
He never asked me to quit, but I knew every time I told him that I had an appointment it caused him pain. Bottom line, I told him I was retiring. He was so happy. I told him I would go to school and get my education.
So for nearly two years I have been lying to him. I did go to school, but my school closed down. I took down my old contact information, but my review site is still up with all the old information on it. I changed my stage name and I have been operating UTR for nearly two years. He still pays my rent but threatens to cut me off unless we live together. He looks for me occasionally on the boards, but my new name protects me and he wants to believe me.
He loves me. I love him like my generous uncle. His money is not endless and he wants a commitment or he is going to cut me loose. I have mixed feelings. He has been good to me and he has given me a lot. I have a five-year-old. My BF has been generous and kind to her.
I’m getting older, but I think if I was more public I would still have a good five to eight years to make money. Should I give him a break and let him go while he still has some money left?
