Dear Tits and Sass

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Dear Tits and Sass: Hooker Incall Edition

one of the notes

It’s that time again! One of our faithful readers has a pressing question and we sexy geniuses are here to answer. If you too are struggling with a sex work related dilemma, you can email info [at] titsandsass.com and we’ll try to shed some light on the situation. 

Dear Tits and Sass,

My hubby and I have found ourselves living next door to someone who I am assuming is, uh, working out of their home. We see strange men coming and going, hear lots of sexytime noises at all hours of the day or night, and recently other neighbors have taken to leaving threatening notes on this person’s door. We aren’t as disturbed by the noise as others since we have a loud air conditioner (although sometimes it can be obnoxious) but the downstairs (I’m assuming) neighbor has been leaving notes threatening to “press charges.” I feel bad for the lady next door, but I also am pretty terrified of the strange people coming in and out right next to my apartment.

Dear Tits And Sass: What About The Résumé Gap?

MelanieDear Tits and Sass,

I’ve been a sex worker since 2010 and until recently, haven’t done much else. I graduated with honors from a very good college back in 2006, but the working world has kicked my ass. I could cite some mental health and substance issues, but that would be a copout. I think I’ve just been plagued with a lack of direction and downright laziness. For about a month now, I’ve had serious stripper burnout coupled with “double life” burnout. The constant lying and endless small talk is getting under my skin. Plus, sex work enables my many vices, from drinking to smoking to risky sexual behavior to erratic sleep and diet.

As another tax season commences, I know I’m going to be looking at the same stagnant 40-50K income I’ve made the last three tax years. Super stripper I am not, plus I just turned 30. I’m hoping to gain advice on how to land a straight job now (I can’t just concoct three years of normal work) and how to gloss over this aspect of my life when I apply for a Ph.D. this Fall. My aim is to earn a Ph.D. that makes a six-figure income realistic.

I’ve made some efforts to get my ducks in a row through volunteering and taking undergrad level classes relevant to my desired degree. I have an in at a job that would be a great building block toward my desired career. But I’m worried about awkward interview moments. People finding things online. For someone who lies constantly, yet isn’t the best bullshit artist, I need to bullshit my way through job interviews in the near future.

Help!

Mind the Gap

Dear Tits and Sass: Dating Edition

Those two biblical lovebirds, Ruth and Boaz. (image via the New York Public Library Digital Collection)
Those two biblical lovebirds, Ruth and Boaz. (image via the New York Public Library Digital Collection)

Dear Tits and Sass,

I’m 28 and I’ve been a stripper for almost seven years. The last couple have definitely been the hardest, but the most profitable. I’ve created a life better than I could have imagined for myself before I started dancing—riding horses at nationally rated jumping shows, buying a house, driving a nice car, zero student debt and actual time to go to college as an adult, traveling to marathons and going on luxury vacations often, eating healthy food, and more. I wake up every day to a life I love, good friends, my pups. I’ve spent the single years doing my own thing.

I’m ready for and really want a partner. I haven’t dated in almost five years, save for a month of dating an impotent obese man. My 65-year-old customers probably have exponentially more sex than I do. Dear God, I want a steady flow of conversation that doesn’t involve being paid, and holy cow I would love a steady supply of dick before my vagina dries out like the Sahara. Online dating was a big fail on one free site and two paid sites—the few dates I had were either okay and didn’t work out, or sucked. I choose not to date customers of the club I work for as a personal boundary. I’m not so much into casual sex, but the few partners I’ve tried have led me to believe that I’m an unsatisfying-penis magnet.

It’s gotten to the point where even thinking about dating really sucks, and makes me unhappy for days when someone brings up the idea. It seems like as soon as I reveal my job, guys either flee or do the “trophying” thing until it quickly gets old for them. Recently, a friend wanted to introduce me to her boyfriend’s attractive pal. When I asked her if she’d told him about my job, she said she and her boyfriend would wait for me to tell him.

I feel like I’m tricking someone into a date with me if I don’t come with a huge red flag, a scarlet “S,” and some infamous Jaws-esque warning music. I don’t want to quit my job, and I’m not apologetic about what I do, but it does seem to be a big deal to men who aren’t meth addicts, have all their teeth, and live indoors. I don’t think it’s fair if they’re set up on an outing with me if they’re being…um, tricked. I’d want to know if someone was setting me up with someone that had a pretty big possible dealbreaker.

My question is: How in the fuck do I start dating again? Do I tell prospective gentlemen about my job, and when? Should my friend tell this man about my job before he decides whether he would like an outing with me? Do I lie entirely for as long as I can, despite my work being at obvious hours, and the stilettos and g-string laundry that litter my house? How long do I lie? Do I really have to wait another six-to-sever years (quittin’ time) before men will take me seriously as a partner?

Sincerely,
Calloused Masturbation Hand

Dear Tits And Sass: Agency Edition

Time again for us to share our thoughts on the many dilemmas that arise around sex work. And this question is a doozy. The issue of whether or not to work for an agency is surely one to stir up debate, so feel free to leave your own insights and experiences in the comment. And if you’ve got a problem, email info [at] titsandsass.com and we’ll do our best to help or call in a guest who can. Please note this offer is only good for current sex workers with work-related inquiries. 

Dear Tits and Sass,

Now that Craigslist is no longer such a useful arena for scouring out clients, and I am not sure where to turn. I am considering working for an escort agency. The splits I have found out about from a few of them seem quite a lot less compared to how much I charged on my own, and I am a bit nervous about not having total control over how I want to do sex work, yet it also seems like a relatively easy way to make stable money. What are some things to expect from working for an agency? Is it safe and the diminished splits worthwhile? Is sex or a photography session expected at the initial “interview”? Are there questions I should ask or things to establish before I decide to start?

Sincerely,
Seeking Business

Dear Tits and Sass: Keeping The Kids

(Photo by Flickr user notsogoodphotography)
(Photo by Flickr user notsogoodphotography)

I’m a pro domme who also sometimes does full-service work. My partner of seven years and I are thinking about trying for a kid, but I’m worried about the custody issues that might come up because of what I do for work if he and I were ever to split up, or if I got arrested, or if anything else went wrong. I trust my boyfriend, and I don’t anticipate our stable relationship breaking up anytime soon, but you never know. He’s a white collar professional, while I’ve never held a straight job: I know which one of us would look better in court. What should sex workers with children know about child protective services and how best to keep their kids?

Anxious about the future,

Sarah