Silly Media Coverage

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That’s Not A Facial!

How nice of 19 Action News of Cleveland, Ohio to illegally videotape the dancers at four Cleveland strip clubs. I hope a wannabe Joey Greco crossed with The Leprechaun (pole dancing in geriatric shoes and a suit) doesn’t ever film me doing the “upside-down praying mantis.”

While we’re on the subject of terminology, I’m pretty sure there are technically no facials in the video. The so-called “facial” might more accurately be described as “motorboating.” It’s not like the dancer female-ejaculated onto the guy’s face from the stage. And the girl who “appears to be totally naked and grinding her customer” isn’t actually grinding him. He would need to have a 12-inch erection for there to be any contact between her crotch and his. Not to mention the plot inconsistency with the snow at the end? (Yes, I’m sure you were distracted by Leprechaun chest bumping us too, but look at the ground!) Worst. “Exposé.” Ever.

“Making it Rain” explained to cultural ignoramuses

The New York Times explains “making it rain.”

I guess they didn’t cover this when the NBA All-Star game was in Vegas? Great explanation of making it rain for, well, old white people, I guess.

The Week in Stripper Links

Maryland 4th Circuit Court upholds ruling that new restrictions on strip clubs are unconstitutional

Could be as huge as Oregon’s ruling 30 years ago that declared nude dance protected free speech. MD is one of the few states in the U.S. where clubs can have fully nude dancers and fully stocked bars.

Harry Potter, dubstep, pole dancing, cats.

You can download the dubstep remix of the Harry Potter theme to use when you dress like Hermione at work next Halloween.

Man steals $314 from stripper’s garter

The use of “garter belt” for garter annoys me. A garter belt has straps and holds up stockings. A garter is a single circular leg strap that holds on to money.

A great 3000-word Super Bowl stripper blog report from the Lodge in Dallas

Seattle strip club, under siege from local LE, uses the old “we create jobs!” defense in Stranger ad

Anna Nicole: The Opera opens in London

The costumes!

The Pussycat Lounge: not going away after all?

CL ad seeks underemployed attorneys to give lapdances and legal advice.

More things that Portland did first *

this post made me realize how much American Apparel is made for stripper wardrobes

Have you heard about this supposed “hipster strip joint,” the Westway, in New York? Stories about it usually are sprinkled with HI-larious commentary about how funny it is to mix hot nightlife spots with tits. SORRY NEW YORK, Portland, OR has been doing this for years. Mary’s Club, Union Jacks, and Devils Point are all strip clubs that draw crowds heavier on leather jackets than raincoats. This results in varying levels of profitability for the strippers (needless to say, Portland hipsters are not necessarily a cash-laden customer base). They might stare for free, or they might give you fifty bucks to play “Roadrunner.”

Will the Westway actually operate like a strip club, though? From the coverage, it seems like it might just have topless go-go dancers—on one night a week, at that—and people got hyperbolic in calling it a strip joint. Can you get a lapdance? Is there going to be a DJ announcing the names of the dancers? Will the dancers be paid or will they be paying the club to work there? And most importantly, who wants to go with me the first Monday in April?

Oh, New York, I hope you get some real hipster strip club fun, like maybe a chef brawl over local pork.

* (in addition to Stumptown, competitive facial hair growth, and urban farming)

Historical Wardrobe Malfunction

This is kind of neato—The Star Tribune has a blog called “Yesterday’s News” where it digs up old-timey newspaper articles, photos and ads. This week’s feature made the front page of the Minneapolis Tribune on May 9, 1953: Darlene LaBette Varallo, an “esoteric dancer”, was jailed for disorderly conduct. Two follow-up articles detail the handling of the evidence (“two little rhinestone-studded cones, a few lengths of gauze, a fringe and a pair of black net tights”) and the trial, which was complete with a lie detector test and testimony where the defendant explains that she was only guilty of a wardrobe malfunction:

SHE DESCRIBED her dance as a “can-can” plus a mixture of “a shuffle, ball hop, kick, twirls.” She denied Sullivan’s charge that she had bent over and shaken parts of her anatomy at the audience.
“You can’t bend over when you dance or you lose your equilibrium,” said Darlene, who testified she has danced since the age of 3 and was an Arthur Murray instructor for two years.
She said she certainly was wearing state’s exhibit F (the brassiere) when she began to dance but had to discard it because a strap broke. She also denied removing the state’s exhibit E (a tasseled fringe) from its original position around her – ah – middle.