That’s Not A Facial!

Silly Media Coverage

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February 22, 2011

How nice of 19 Action News of Cleveland, Ohio to illegally videotape the dancers at four Cleveland strip clubs. I hope a wannabe Joey Greco crossed with The Leprechaun (pole dancing in geriatric shoes and a suit) doesn’t ever film me doing the “upside-down praying mantis.”

While we’re on the subject of terminology, I’m pretty sure there are technically no facials in the video. The so-called “facial” might more accurately be described as “motorboating.” It’s not like the dancer female-ejaculated onto the guy’s face from the stage. And the girl who “appears to be totally naked and grinding her customer” isn’t actually grinding him. He would need to have a 12-inch erection for there to be any contact between her crotch and his. Not to mention the plot inconsistency with the snow at the end? (Yes, I’m sure you were distracted by Leprechaun chest bumping us too, but look at the ground!) Worst. “Exposé.” Ever.

Stacks & Cats Monday

By

Bubbles

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February 21, 2011

Each Monday, Tits and Sass will bring you pictures of money, pictures of cats, or pictures of cats with money. We encourage reader submissions! Please send your photos to info@titsandsass.com.

Feb2007 029 — Bubbles' duffle bag of bachelor party tips and a marmalade kitty. Spike heeled Ellies in the upper left, practical Børn Mary Janes on the bottom.

I usually get lucky when I go to Austin.

Money

By

Bettie

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February 21, 2011

What you are looking at is a weeks’ worth of spanking, ball-crushing, and general violence towards men. This is from the time when I went to Austin with my mom and worked while I was there. She was helping a friend with his restaurant, and in between helping work the register I did sessions. I think there is some truth to the theory that a visiting girl can do pretty well based solely on the fact that she’s visiting, because that was more money than I’d made that entire month and I didn’t use new photos in my ads. Maybe Austin is a town that really responds to my ads? I doubt it. There are only a few other women advertising there and they all had better photos and text, but I was the only black woman, and I was the only one leaving in three days, so . . . I MADE BANK. I bought Christmas presents with that money, as well as helping my sister pay for her tuition, after I put some in my mattress.

Blond Leading the Blind: Dating Secrets From A Stripper

By

Kat

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February 20, 2011

1. Don’t get too comfortable. Or rather, do get too comfortable, but don’t let him find out just how comfortable you are. I’m not talking about clipping your toenails in front of your boo. (If you think that’s ever acceptable, you deserve to die alone. I even hide my PedEgg™ in a tampon box.) I’m referring to passing gas in front of a significant other. Strippers fart during dances all the time. All. The. Time. However, we take precautionary measures to ensure that our customers are never the wiser.

The two elements of a fart that alert people to its presence are noise and smell. Take those away and your gas is a tree falling in the woods. Make sure that you blast loud music at all times. Anything by artists with ice cream cones or ultraviolet stars on their faces will do just fine. (Songs about butts happen to have the best bass for disguising sounds emitted from butts.) You have to douse your chest region with body spray every hour on the hour. Think powerful enough to mask that spray tan barbecue sauce smell or trucker sweat (or in the least, transform it to cucumber melon trucker).

Continue

The Week in Stripper Links

By

Bubbles

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February 19, 2011

Maryland 4th Circuit Court upholds ruling that new restrictions on strip clubs are unconstitutional

Could be as huge as Oregon’s ruling 30 years ago that declared nude dance protected free speech. MD is one of the few states in the U.S. where clubs can have fully nude dancers and fully stocked bars.

Harry Potter, dubstep, pole dancing, cats.

You can download the dubstep remix of the Harry Potter theme to use when you dress like Hermione at work next Halloween.

Man steals $314 from stripper’s garter

The use of “garter belt” for garter annoys me. A garter belt has straps and holds up stockings. A garter is a single circular leg strap that holds on to money.

A great 3000-word Super Bowl stripper blog report from the Lodge in Dallas

Seattle strip club, under siege from local LE, uses the old “we create jobs!” defense in Stranger ad

Anna Nicole: The Opera opens in London

The costumes!