 Few television characters embody the Douche Client more perfectly than Zapp Brannigan. You know the type: massive yet fragile ego that requires constant stroking, weird obsession with own perceived attractiveness, and a stable of skin-crawlingly irritating “seduction” techniques.
Once a client asked me to wait to lie down because he just needed to move the Chanel bedspread. He also told me his spa pool was made of imported marble. He did not tip. I bet Zapp never tips.
So many feelings, and they’re all your problem.
Yup.
We’ve all encountered this guy too:
Who for some reason is often also this guy:
Sometimes, you just have to shut that shit down.
Futurama also understands the complex banalities of the sex worker lifestyle:
Sometimes when I read my escort advert I almost buy into my own hype, but then I remember that I wrote it while drinking in bed at 3 in the afternoon, surrounded by empty beer cans and wearing a t-shirt that hadn’t (let’s be honest, still hasn’t) been washed in 4 months.
Never has a single youtube clip better encapsulated my entire work philosophy:
Finally, Futurama reminds us that nothing feels better than letting it all hang out after a long day or night.
A drink never hurt anyone either.
Futurama and Archer are probably the best things that have ever been on TV.
I already feel like I cheated on Parks and Rec by saying that. And The Golden Girls. Blanche Devereaux has a lot to teach us all about hustle.
this is brilliant, though blanche is pretty much hbic
a million times yes. Also, useful and relevant tip: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw2uxc8l7p1qax519o1_500.png
Thanks Mama Blanche.
@Johanna… TRUTH!!! Blanche totally gets it!!
This is totally hilarious and wonderful.
I only read, never have commented before, but I love Tits and Sass. The women/people who run/contribute to/comment on this site make being an escort less lonely. Thank you for existing!
I love this. LOVE Futurama. Only thing you missed was the Kegelcizer, which should fall somewhere into this post.
you’re right, that was definitely an omission!
I’m re-watching season 2 right now, and I’d be remiss not to point out episode 7, when Bender sells his body. Literally. The professor replies, “Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I’ve been down that road. I know it’s glamorous and the parties are great, but you’ll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skin-tight pants!”
Later, Bender says that he doesn’t need a body, because “they’re only for hookers and fat people.”
Heck yeah Futurama! Amazing to see other fans enjoying that show in the same way I have. After a rough day there are few things more relaxing than seeing Zoidberg’s shenanigans.