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This Week In Tourist Reports

By
Kat
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One of these tourist reports typically pops up in my Google alerts every week. Someone ventures inside a strip club for the first time and shares his/her tale with the world as if he/she is Neil Armstrong. Last week it was an insecure lesbian who felt threatened when a stripper at Jumbo’s talked to her date. Even cool writers are guilty of lame tourist reports where they sound grateful to have made it out alive.

This week’s gem is featured on dating advice website, YourTango, and it’s a doozy. (YourTango was never even on my radar until the founder/CEO embarrassed herself last summer with that bizarre Indian fetishist piece in the Huffington Post.) The author starts off by letting us know that she’s boldly going where no woman has gone before: a bachelor party weekend in Atlantic City with 27 dudes.

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Is this real?

By
Natalie
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A while ago I stumbled across this wikiHow article on dating strippers. It gives nine easy “steps” for snagging the showgirl of your dreams—which are actually useless, demeaning and stereotype-laced suggestions for how to be one of those obnoxious time wasters that we all talk shit about in the dressing room.

Like this, for example, Step Number Six: “Tip her on stage, but don’t get a lap dance from anyone. If you pay for a lap dance from her, she will consider you a ‘regular’ …  She will never date you once that business relationship with her is established.”

Pretty please, just stay home if you are going to be that guy.

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Peter Murphy was a male stripper?

By
Bubbles
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This is news to me.

“I didn’t pick her up on no doggone playground.”

By
Natalie
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Former New York Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor recently plead guilty to seeing an underage escort, resulting in a sentence of six years of probation and “registered sex offender” status. Sixteen-year-old Christina Fierro came to his room claiming to be 19, but was apparently the underage victim of a violent and coercive pimp. L.T. claims not to have been able to discern her age, describing her as a “19-year-old working girl who came to my room.”

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.XXX Domain Makes Me .MAD

By
TastyTrixie
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icann shameless profiteers
ICANN: shameless profiteers

Hey! Wouldn’t it be great if porn sites were made pornier by putting a big .XXX at the end of them? That would make me so much more aroused and reduce the confusion I feel when I visit a dot com and can’t determine for myself whether or not I’m looking at porn. After all, it’s very hard to judge whether or not I should devalue content and the people who make it simply by looking at it. I need more LABELS, man, especially when I visit one of those sites that’s sort of sexy but also has lots of words on it and I’m not sure whether I should start rubbing my mini-boner yet. Will it pay off with a free sex video? Or is there going to be a long non-nude poem to interrupt everything? Are there going to be a bunch of annoying “join now” buttons or will the mystery be preserved of why someone on the internet is enticing me with erotic photos (just because she loves to show off her hot body for free, I hope). If professional porn sites have a big-ass Triple-X right in the address bar, won’t it provide a genuine public service?

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