I bet you thought that with the most recent season of 30 Rock all wrapped up, we wouldn’t have any more opportunities to obsess about Tina Fey’s mean-spirited sex worker obsession. But with our girl TF, the sex worker hate is a constantly bubbling stream. So let’s drink deep from her well with this old SNL Weekend Update monologue about how Hugh Hefner’s “whore” girlfriends were all sexually abused. Comedy is funny!
Tonight, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner will celebrate his 75th birthday. At Hefner’s side will be his seven girlfriends – Stephanie, Tiffany, Regina, Cathy, Kimberly, Buffy and, of course, Tina. Because wherever two or more whores are gathered, there’s always a Tina. [...] At 28, Tina is the oldest and has a two-year-old son. That must be a wonderful way to grow up, playing Fetch the Ashtray with James Caan in the Grotto, while your mom’s upstairs praying for the Viagra to wear off so she can get you to the orthodontist on time. Fantastic. [...] And this [other girlfriend,] clearly, this one is willing to do something the others will not do. Whatever the filthiest thing you can think of — it’s a little worse than that, and she’ll let you photograph her doing it. Gotta be the reason she’s there.
But you know what? You can’t condemn these woman, because at least they work together, they support each other, and how many woman can say that, right? And these women aren’t doing it for the money. They’re doing it because they were molested by a family friend.
I’ve got to bullet point this sucker because I’m about to go on overload.
- Let’s get this straight. Fey, who thinks “we all need to be better than” strip club-goers, doesn’t think we all need to be better than the type of misogynist who calls women “whores” simply because—s/he assume—those women are valued by men only because of their sex appeal.
- Only whores have to deal with men who use Viagra? Ha. Non-whoring wives wish.
- It’s funny when women are molested. Extra funny if they were molested by someone close to their family. This is the closest thing I’ve found to a Tina Fey formula—bonus points if you try to disguise this maliciousness as stemming from endearing prudishness.
Joan Kelly recently pointed out on this site that being amused by the possibility of a woman having suffered serious physical violations has little to do with feminism and seems far more tied to sociopathic criminality. (Well, she didn’t quite put it that way…) Honestly, Tina Fey, what in the sweet Saint Veronica Franco is going on? Why do you find it so hilarious to crow that a certain group of women consists entirely of incest survivors or products of a broken home? I completely disagree with your behavior. And were I to mimic your M.O., in which every woman I regard as irritating or strange is automatically labeled an emotionally damaged prostitute, I’d insert a completely tasteless and predictable comment about your childhood rapes here.
But I won’t. Because there’s nothing funny or even defensible about making those types of allegations—it’s just unbelievably cruel. And if those claims are true? That’s even more twisted. I’m not going to be a person who points at another human being and says, “you know what? Your history of sexual abuse is abundantly apparent even to the most casual observer. And you’re utterly ridiculous because of it.” In the hierarchy of disgusting human beings, that would put me about one rung above the actual abuser.
If a man thought it was knee-slappingly uproarious to speculate that any overtly sexual woman had been sexually abused, he would not have much of a chance at being hailed an inspiring “undercover feminist.” Tina Fey’s feminism is half-formed at best, and frankly, her compassion seems half-formed too. Tina, it’s time to get your head out of your provocatively-clad ass. You are a woman with much of our country’s attention. Why not refrain from directing even more negative energy at two of the most vulnerable populations in our society: abuse victims and sex workers?