Dear Ms. Harm Reduction,
I’m an escort with an Oxycontin habit. For the most part I can plan ahead and maintain, but sometimes supply runs out and I have to go to work when I’m in withdrawal. I serve a middle class clientele, and I’d lose clients if they found out I was a drug user. I’m also afraid some of them might even become violent if they discovered I was a “junkie.” How do I hide the tell tale signs of dopesickness while working?
Sniffling Isn’t Cute y’Know
Ms Harm Reduction knows all about the yen for dope. Ah, she remembers the old days, when she could make a croaker for a script for morphine, easy as pie. Golly gee, did she have herself an oil burner of a habit! But you don’t want Ms. Harm Reduction’s story— you just need some advice.
Rub a bit of mentholated cream on the inside of your cute little nostrils. Not only will this help with those dratted sniffles, but it will also provide a pleasant aroma as counterpoint for the odor of elderly clients’ yeasty bodies. Popping some antihistamines will also ease your poor runny nose. Use some over the counter eye drops to help with tearing, and if it’s seasonally appropriate, wear sun glasses on your way into the appointment, as bright light will only make your watery eyes worse. Any yawning you might do can be excused with a story about burning the candle at both ends staying up late studying (or whatever your cover story about your “other profession” is).
Make sure to take advantage of some of the more helpful quirks of withdrawal. Does being dope sick give you hairtrigger orgasms, like it does for Ms Harm Reduction? Play it up, and laud the poor dear of a client for being such a magnificent lover. Does jonesing make you a bit silly, lightheaded, and chatty? Use that excess energy and that gaily lightheartedness to connect with your benefactor of the hour and have more fun with him. Play your cards right, and your paying suitor will be too charmed to notice the fact that your skin is goose pimpled.
Take care not to misinterpret her—Ms. Harm Reduction is in no way promoting the use of opiates. She herself had no fun taking the rap when the people came down on her, and that was before the age of mandatory minimum sentencing. But she knows all of you who have habits aren’t all going to kick them simultaneously, and she wants you to stay safe.