You know how “high-class” escorts will sometimes say on their websites that they only see one client per day/week/month? We’re mostly full of shit. Clients, when your girl runs in to your appointment five minutes late and gasping for breath, saying that the poetry lecture/photo shoot/board meeting/violin concerto/other high-brow activity or impressive-sounding professional obligation ran over time, she’s most likely lying to you and was really just fucking around with another guy. Or doing something super mundane and unsexy, like dropping her kids off or waiting in line at the DMV. Point is, we hos, like everyone else, lead very busy lives. But we always want to show up looking perfect, unstressed, and like hanging out with you is the only thing, or at least the most exciting thing, that we’ll do that day. When someone is spending big money for a once-in-a-while luxury indulgence (as visiting a sex worker is for many guys, whatever dollar amount they’re spending on her), we want him to think the occasion is at least a little bit special for us, too. Here are NYC escort Deborah’s and my favorite tricks for looking instantly hot, classy, and put-together on those days when we have to rush around.
Tigi Catwalk Dry Shampoo — It smells great, won’t turn dark hair gray, and creates volume while providing the illusion of cleanliness. For me, dry shampoo is a must for going from one client to another, for early morning appointments (read: any that occur before noon) or for those times when I want to give my hair a break from wet shampoos or am too lazy to wash it for real. My only complaint is that the bottle is pretty tall, so it’s not the most discreetly portable item. But it may be available in a smaller size. I’m too busy to check! —Deborah
Hotel Lotion — I use this as leave-in conditioner for times when I either (a) don’t have enough time to wash my hair, or (b) forgot hair gel, mousse, or whatever else might make me look presentable. Rub a little between your hands but don’t rub it all the way in, then run your hands through your hair a few times. —Lolo
Fast Flats — I haven’t tried this exact product, but I am a serial offender when it comes to sneaking heels on at the last minute, usually because I need to speed walk to wherever I’m going because I perpetually run about 5 minutes late. Bloch flats are already somewhat compressible and won’t take up a ton of space in your handbag, but these look even easier to carry and are nowhere near as expensive as “real” shoes. Now I won’t have to feel guilty for abusing my Tory Burches by stuffing them underneath a bunch of dildos and massage oil. — Deborah
Sephora — Sephora is great because you can browse around and “sample” anything: makeup, perfume, hair products, lotion, etc. So if you’re lucky enough to be tricking somewhere with a Sephora nearby, you don’t even really need to bring cosmetics with you because you can stop in and mooch a little bit of anything you’d need. Even deodorant, which sounds a little gross, but is arguably less gross than having sex with strangers. —Lolo
Cleancut razor — The Cleancut is a miracle. It works best on dry skin and stunted hair—aka stubble—because the hairs have to be able to fit through the fine screen on top and that’s tricky with longer, curlier ones. This means it’s great to use when you just shaved your V the day before and don’t want to have go through the shower-based rigamarole again. And because no water (or outlet) is required, you can use it pretty much anywhere you have enough privacy to do so: your car, a public restroom, etc. —Deborah
Press-On Nails— I rarely have the patience to sit through a manicure, but I have a feeling that guys appreciate beautiful hands. If I don’t have time to paint my own nails, short French manicured press-ons don’t look any tackier than acrylic nails, and only take a few minutes to put on. —Lolo
Putting on Makeup in a Car — Like I said, I regularly run late, but one of the many advantages to not owning a car means taking cabs everywhere, so time that would be spent watching stop lights and navigating traffic can be spent instead on my face. I carry a fabric bag full of tissues, where I can keep fresh and used ones (since nothing looks tackier than a bunch of used makeup tissues overflowing from a purse) and a compact on me whenever I’m on my way to work. The trick to applying makeup in a moving vehicle is pretty common sense: stay away from your eyes when you’re actually moving! Mascara is the least error- friendly product since it’s so dark, heavy, and will destroy all your previous work if it ends up not on your lashes, so don’t try to put it on while you’re doing 60 on an ill-maintained highway. Eyeliner, obviously, will blind you if you’re not careful, so save that for full stops. As long as you’re in a city, you should have enough ambient light to do this at night as well as during the day. Practice makes perfect; soon you’ll feel more at home putting makeup on at high speeds than you will standing still in your bathroom. —Deborah
Scarves: If you don’t have time to put a lot of thought into your attire, or are running around between different types of obligations, I really believe in the power of a scarf to save almost any outfit. If you’re dressed too provocatively, it can make you look more conservative. If you’re dressed too boring, it makes you more colorful and interesting. If you’re dressed like a grubby college kid, a scarf worn just right will make you look more like a sexy foreign grad student. —Lolo
Amen to the scarf tip–that’s saved me so many times. And I do my makeup on the train all the time, although not in cabs. I’m too cheap for cabs 😛
do you have any advice for tired vaginas? fucking is hard work for the coochie and i often wish there was more discussion regarding stamina for pussy bearing people…
You’re confusing high-end escorts with ladies who call themselves high-end. Truly upscale companions are, in fact, cultured and sophisticated, see no more than one gent a day, and absolutely don’t need you speaking for us. We don’t judge or condemn your lifestyle any more than we appreciate your poking fun at ours, even when it includes “high-brow” poetry readings.
Snark is unbecoming but I think you rather reveled in that here, which is your choice of course, but in this case it’s misleading. My marketing is an honest, accurate reflection of who I am and yet with this article you’ve unfairly confirmed the incorrect suspicions too many clients already have, making my job that much harder. Some escorts lie (shocker). Some, including genuinely high end ladies, don’t. But no one is going to read your first paragraph and believe the latter. It was a rude and pointless way to introduce your article and very unsupportive of others like myself in this industry.
Oh, good grief! You’re looking for insult where none is intended, and furthermore, there is NOTHING on this blog which could possibly “make (your) job…harder.”
Snark may be unladylike, but I love it on this blog. If we can’t snark here, where can we snark? Maybe we should just be the perfect Stepford Sex Workers clients want us to be: no complaints, no boundaries.
Yes! I have never understood how escorts wax. Sure, the guys you see right after are happy about it, but what about the clients who hire you a week or more into the growing out stage?
Guess it depends on the regrowth but in 10 years I’ve not had a client say one word about my waxing regrowth. Then again, I limit tours to the Holy Land anyway.
Also, what Companion said is correct. If you’re truly high-end, and charge rates that begin in the 4 digits, you really aren’t seeing back-to-back clients, especially not in this economy. Doesn’t mean the escort isn’t running late for other reasons but probably NOT because she was finishing up with someone else. (A lot of high-end escorts offer dinner dates as an introduction so they’re pretty much stuck with 1 client/day.)
That hasn’t been true for me—even after the downturn, I’ve seen two clients in a day (and yes, at four figures). I don’t tell them that, of course!
You’re right though, its much more likely that I’m doing something else. The intro was meant to be playful and silly, not an insult to anyone’s advertising. I had originally considered titling it “how to look classy even when you’re not feeling like it” or something along those lines, to imply arriving as an image of calm, sophisticated perfection when the appointment’s really just one of many things on your plate that day. Then Charlotte came up with “Ho on the Go,” which was cuter. We didn’t intend to offend any hos of any price range. xo
I’ve heard that years of waxing makes some people’s hair finer and thinner. I had one female client who was determined to essentially wax her hair into oblivion after laser hair removal didn’t work so well. So ten years in, I bet it’s a great arrangement.
I love Lolo’s intro. The idea that being tongue in cheek about much of the exaggeration in escort marketing—which as just as prevalent a technique for us as marketing in any other industry; I’m thinking here of those hole-in-the-wall restaurants calling themselves “world famous” when even locals have no idea they exist—can hurt an individual escort’s career or is somehow bad for sex workers on the whole is ridiculous to me. I too see more than one client on a day on a fairly regular basis. I think location influences this heavily. (New York is high density enough to sustain that type of expensive frequency while Orlando probably isn’t, no matter how fantastic an escort one is.)
I reread the intro. Escorts of EVERY price range will state they only see 1 client [per time period]. Yes, they’re generally lying, especially if they have low or mid-range rates. Charlotte and Lolo are the first 2 higher-end escorts who are still seeing back-to-back clients that I know of (back-to-back within a single day). I know what statement was different a few years ago because the economy was different. And there are those who simply can’t handle the volume regardless of the money involved. Of course, as pointed out, there are many reasons why a girl might run late that have nothing at all to do with other men.
I really am a huge fan of waxing and it doesn’t take 10yrs for the benefits to kick in. Talk about time-saving! A 30minute appointment once a month and you don’t have to do anything else. I like lazy beauty maintenance. 🙂
[…] very offended when another escort will take long appointments but not adore every moment of it, or see more than one client in a day after claiming they don’t. Because of their weird, hooker-policing attitude, SPs resemble the […]
[…] I also bought a can of dry shampoo, because until recently I didn’t even know that was a thing (I read about it in Tits and Sass). Have only used it once, so I can’t tell if it works as an all-round hair […]