Stripper Music Monday: “Kisses Down Low” And The Holy Trinity of Cunnilingus Songs

Kelly didn’t get to sing this during the Super Bowl. Her songs are much, much dirtier than Beyoncé and Destiny’s Child, and “Kisses Down Low” is Rowland’s entry into one of the best types of sex songs: Lyrics About Eating Pussy As Sung By Women. Just last night I had to hear yet another customer talk about how he just loooooved to eat pussy, and how he was soooo good at it, I’d pay him *eyes actually leave sockets as muscles fail to stop their rolling.* While, when done right, it’s great, listening to those proclamations makes me wonder why there aren’t corresponding “stop fucking eating my pussy, you are so horrible at it it seems you have mistaken my vulva for corn on the cob and it feels so disgusting that I am nauseated” songs is beyond me and an inaccurate reflection of women’s sexual experience. It’s much more fun to hear a woman tell a man what she wants and how he’d better do it, and these three songs are solid, played-until-the-end-of-time strip club standards.

Lords of Acid, “I Sit On Acid” (1988)

This song is 12-generations-of-dance-music-old, was never on the radio, and is played in strip clubs as often as “Girls, Girls, Girls,” “Closer,” and “Ignition (Remix).” Its lyrics, in their entirety:

Sit on your face
I want to sit on your face

Lil’ Kim, “How Many Licks?” (2000)

“How Many Licks?” is a paen to both the pleasures of riding face and interracial sex, making it simultaneously sex-positive, feminist, and inclusive.

Dan my nigga from Down South
Used to like me to spank him and cum in his mouth
And Tony he was Italian (Uh-huh)
And he didn’t give a fuck (Uh-huh)
That’s what I liked about him
He ate my pussy from dark till the mornin
Called his girl up and told her we was bonin
Puerto Rican papi, used to be a Deacon
But now he be sucking me off on the weekend
And this black dude I called King Kong
He had a big ass dick and a hurricane tongue

Khia, “My Neck, My Back” (2002)

I worked at a club that would only play the radio edit of this song, which is an instrumental. Naw, it has lyrics, but what on earth is the point? It’s not like when she sings “Lick it now, lick it good” there’s a lot of ambiguity to exploit. So dirty. So dirty I actually still blush a little when I hear it in public.

We look forward to hearing about your favorites, ladies.