Dear Tits and Sass: Hooker Incall Edition

It’s that time again! One of our faithful readers has a pressing question and we sexy geniuses are here to answer. If you too are struggling with a sex work related dilemma, you can email info [at] titsandsass.com and we’ll try to shed some light on the situation. 

Dear Tits and Sass,

My hubby and I have found ourselves living next door to someone who I am assuming is, uh, working out of their home. We see strange men coming and going, hear lots of sexytime noises at all hours of the day or night, and recently other neighbors have taken to leaving threatening notes on this person’s door. We aren’t as disturbed by the noise as others since we have a loud air conditioner (although sometimes it can be obnoxious) but the downstairs (I’m assuming) neighbor has been leaving notes threatening to “press charges.” I feel bad for the lady next door, but I also am pretty terrified of the strange people coming in and out right next to my apartment. I’m also wondering if she is the one constantly propping open the downstairs main entry door, leaving it open for anyone to come in. Is there any tactful, kind way to bring up that it kind of really sucks to live next door to her and it would be nice if she could take business elsewhere? I mean, how does one start that kind of conversation? If it were more high-end clientele coming through I wouldn’t be as worried, but it certainly is not, and this is not the greatest neighborhood. Or am I meddling and just need to get a stronger deadbolt and a noise machine? Since I’m way more familiar with the stripping side of sex work and not prostitution, maybe one of the ladies experienced with that could help answer?

Sincerely,

Quit UR Infuriating Everyday Trickin’

Jenny DeMilo: There are a couple things that need to be addressed. I don’t know how big your building is, but if it’s more then a few units, anyone could be propping the door open. People are lazy. This is an issue you can bring up with property management because if it’s a locked door, that’s a safety issue. Maybe suggest the building install buzzers that ring to unit phones or tape a “Dear Neighbors” note to the open door asking people to please not prop the door open. See if that gets you anywhere.

Now on to the real issue. You don’t know she’s working as a prostitute out of that apartment. Maybe she’s just a slut who likes to fuck a lot of random guys. Before I was an escort, I was just that. I lived alone and I would have, by most people’s standards, a lot of casual sex and most of the time I was too lazy to travel for it. I found out after a while that my neighbors had a nickname for me: “The Naked Neighbor.” I was pretty upset when I found this out and actually I still kinda am, all these years later—but I can’t imagine how I would have felt if at that time I was called “The Hooker Neighbor.”

Since you believe your neighbor is already getting hate mail and threats, if you decide to approach her, have a civil and polite conversation stating your concerns. She’s probably already on the defensive, so saying, “Hey, I know you’re whoring out of your home. Knock it the fuck off,” would be the wrong way to go. Talking to her face to face and saying, “I’m not sure if you are aware, but when you have guests over we can hear you though the walls,” might be a better approach. You can bring this up in the guise of being neighborly to give her the heads up. You want a positive resolution and if you come off at all accusatory or judgmental, you may get a war instead.

Even after all that you’re probably just going to have to suck it up, get a noise machine and deal. If she is in fact working out of her apartment and is drawing so much attention to herself, you might not have to suck it up for long because one of your meaner neighbors has already threatened her with the fuzz. Number one reason girls get busted working from their houses: a nosey neighbor drops a dime on them.

Charlotte: The foot traffic and noise would get obnoxious if anyone were running their service business out of your home (day care, say, or personal training) so I don’t think your suspicions about how exactly she makes her money need to come into play when you confront her about her bad neighbor behavior. You can simply explain that the constant noise, particularly after hours, is a creating a quality of life problem for yourself and other tenants. You don’t have to say that her guests scare you—if they’re her friends, you’ll look like a jerk—or that you think she’s having sex for money. I doubt that your cordial intervention will have an effect on her if that threatening note didn’t, but at least you’ll have given her a heads up before taking your complaints to the landlord, which I would do if it all continues. You deserve to live in a secure place with neighbors obeying the constraints of the lease. Again, with your landlord,  you only need to list her known behavior that’s creating a problem (like the noise and constant visitors) rather than her suspected behavior (leaving the door open and charging for it).

Bettie: I’ve always (save a while when I had a stalker) worked from my own home. I have also never lived in a fancy soundproofed building. After hearing a neighbor having sex with his mistress (because his wife was at work) and being truly revolted I have learned that hearing other people getting it on can be a really harrowing experience for people and make sure not to force my fun on other people. Unless that’s what they’re paying me for. Plus, I’m one of those people who is truly disgusted by PDA of all kinds, no matter who’s involved, and me hearing it means it counts as PDA in my book.

Having said that, I know that if someone came up to me with an attitude asking if I was a hooker, I’d probably be annoyed. The only advice I can really give is this: Talk to her like someone you respect. It’s a shame people have to be told to treat each other like humans, but I know from experience that it can be difficult remembering to do so when you feel some kind of way about the person’s actions.

Just think of what you’d want someone to say to you if you were causing a disturbance and say that. Then, work together to figure out a solution, because if she doesn’t change something she might get kicked out anyway. She’s got everything to lose if she doesn’t tone it down. Working from home doesn’t have to involve everyone in the complex if you do it right. She could put towels under the doors, make it a sexy game with her clients (if she’s actually selling sex) and put a scarf in their mouth, or just stop screaming like a banshee; it’s not difficult at all. But she’s going to have to do something. Why not be the awesome neighbor who helped her figure that out?

Suzy Hooker: Everyone else said it first and best, so I’ll be quick: Even if you believe beyond a doubt that she’s a pro, approach her as if you didn’t already. Because her choice of work is not the problem, it’s her behavior as a neighbor. Focusing on anything else, especially since you can’t be sure, will make you come across as judgmental.