In part 5 of her series on sex work Rachel Rabbit White asks a question every ethical sex worker has to ask themselves at some point…What about the wives?
I don’t think of it much anymore, because most of what I do is stuff a lot of wives apparently won’t do (or so these guys think, most of them have told me they’d never ask anyway). But I did when I was doing other stuff. I highly doubt any wife is going to bristle at her husband begging to worship my feet. But, I reserve the right to be wrong, I am consistently amazed by the things women count as cheating.
This article references people who seem to be comfy with the sharing of partners so, I can’t lie, I kind of rolled my eyes a couple of times. Most people are possessive about their partners, that’s how most of us are socialized. Nevermind the fact that you cannot actually possess another human, nor should you be so arrogant as to believe that everything that other human will need (romantically at least) is located right inside you…I mean, none of us is really that special, in my opinion at least.
I imagine that if you buy into all that stuff about a husband being proof of womanliness, worth, and attraction, then you would be really upset if you find out your husband is also spending money on and paying attention to someone who isn’t you. I also suspect that of you are insecure about your looks or whether your husband thinks you are attractive enough to stay with (Because that’s all it takes to keep someone’s attention. Attractive, special women aren’t cheated on.) you will be upset about your husband seeing sex workers. Or it could be that you guys made a vow to not see other people, which is totally honorable and not indicative of insecurity, and I’m not being sarcastic here.
The article did touch on something I have been saying forever, that it’s better to cheat with one of us than to see a civvie and have her calling your house and ruining things. With sex workers you don’t get someone falling in love with you, but you do get to keep your livelihood! If things fall apart it’s usually not because of us, we are nothing if not discreet…it’s part of the job. Plus, we don’t generally gain anything from telling, if anything we lose (customers, jobs, whatever).
The last paragraph summed it up though; Communication is key. I imagine that if the men who see me had someone to discuss their sexual proclivities with, or to act them out with, especially if it were a partner, they wouldn’t see me. Or, they would without all the guilt. The same could be said for any of our clients, perhaps. If the guys who saw escorts could tell their wives they want more sex or more whatever it is they get from the escorts they probably wouldn’t see them as much either, or they’d do it and everyone would be aware of what’s going on. To me, that’s the most honorable thing ever, to be honest and not living in fear and using aliases and stuff because you’re not sneaking around. On my webpage I tell clients that I don’t care about their lives outside our sessions, and care even less about their wives and kids, so they have no reason to call from blocked numbers, but they still do because they’re creeping. UGH. If everyone would be truthful it would save me so many grimaces and heavy sighs, and isn’t that what we all want? To make ME happy?
Don’t answer that, because I know you’re going to say yes.
Every relationship I’ve had bust up horribly has done so because people were keeping secrets and shit. Those secrets keep me in J. Crew and Virgin America Flights, but they also combust peoples lives, and both partners pay the consequences because the truth will come out. It always does.
I guess all I really have to say is what I tell my clients already: “You should talk to your fucking wife.”
The article is HERE