Stripper Music Monday: Sexy Picks For April 1

Spring is sprung and so are the customers; once the vernal equinox kicks in, the whole world’s extra horny. So when you’re taking the stage this week, go all out and play these, the sexiest possible songs to strip to. We’ve pulled together the best, can’t-fail, guaranteed to draw customers to the rack picks for your stage sets this week, all of which come from first-or-second-hand experience as actual songs heard in the strip club. Here’s the full playlist on YouTube.

“That Smell,” Lynyrd Skynyrd

When the DJ plays this for you, you know you’ve been tipping him great and he’s trying to send the customers a message that they should get up close and personal.

“She’s Got The Jack,” AC/DC

You want the customers to know you’re up for a good time!

“The Thunder Rolls,” Garth Brooks

Definitely never saw a guy start crying in the club to this sad song about domestic violence.

“Please Don’t Go Topless, Mother,” Troy Hess

A Texas classic recorded by a small child, this will go great with Garth and a Candy Barr tribute costume.

“Send In The Clowns,” Barbra Streisand

I’ve long maintained this would be the single most attention-getting song possible.

“Amish Paradise,” “Weird” Al Yankovic

This comes courtesy of Kat, who wrote about the amazing Ukranian dancer who selected this as her signature song.

“At A Medium Pace,” Adam Sandler

Or “Fuck Her Gently,” or “Dick In A Box,” or “Gangnam Style,” or “#Selfie,” or anything by the Bloodhound Gang or The Lonely Island.

“The Entertainer,” Scott Joplin

AKA the theme from The Sting.

“Smell Yo Dick,” Riskay

“Something’s going on, can I smell yo’ dick?”

“Holocene,” Bon Iver

They’ll be making it rain—tears.