Home Clients I’m Special, Baby: The Sex Worker Edition of #notallmen

I’m Special, Baby: The Sex Worker Edition of #notallmen

By
suzyhooker
-
Not all clients are totally predictable.
Not all clients are totally predictable. (image via twitter user @a_girl_irl)

Just as the rallying cry of men defending themselves from those mean, mean feminists seems to be, “Not ALL men!” so does the sex work client object to generalizations about him. In fact, the one thing all sex work clients have in common is that they all think they’re different, special, and  not like those other guys. So, when they throw out that tired line you’ve been hearing ever since you started working, they think they’re being clever. We asked escorts, street workers, strippers, pro-dommes, cam-people, and phone sex operators to get on Twitter on #notallclients and tell us all about it.

Not all clients make totally hilarious observations about our body parts.


Not all clients ask off-color, invasive questions.

Not all clients pressure us to go condom-less.

Not all clients are totally deluded about what our work is and isn’t.

Not all clients would risk life and limb to get just a little more mileage.

Not all clients are totally oblivious to the legal repercussions of their requests.

Not all clients think they’re sex-on-wheels.

Not all clients think they’re entitled to a discount.

Not all clients are full of helpful advice for us.

Not all clients are confused by the fact that we’re, uh, sentient.

Not all clients compensate for their insecurities on the review boards.

Not all clients make assumptions about our personal lives.

Not all clients tell the same story about their wives.

Not all clients think we’ve gotten rich doing this.

Not all clients have hygiene issues.

Not all clients think they’ve solved the mystery of the oh-so-perplexing sex worker.

22 COMMENTS

  1. Laughing so hard LOOOOLLLLLLLLLLL

    I’ve heard most of these. It’s weird how clients’ good manners and common sense goes right out the window when they see me. Some of them are just socially stupid and couldn’t pass as normal ANYWHERE, but most of my clients are functional adults with social skills everywhere except with me. Like, the shit that comes out of their mouths sometimes, I just can’t believe it…I have to chalk it up to 1) being horny, which makes men SOOPER STOOPID, and 2) disrespect for me.

    My favorites (not really, just joking): vile commentary on my body and appearance…calling my breasts “teats,” for instance, AND constantly wanting reassurance that they are not perverts.

    Uhhh….we’re in a commercial dungeon, dude. Perversion is the name of the game. WTF.

    I also hate it when they bad-mouth their wives. I mean, the wife could be terrible person, for all I know, but even still, HAVE SOME RESPECT! I hate it when men disrespect other women in front of me.

    • Good manners and common sense, indeed.

      I’ve had a client insult another escort’s snatch, knowing said escort to be a friend of mine. WHAT? Don’t you realize how much harder my job becomes when you’re an ASSHOLE?

      Sigh. I’m so happy to have found this blog.

  2. I can relate to allot of these! My fave is *said during private show* “I don’t ever buy dances. I don’t have to pay for it, ya know, my ex is even hotter than you.” And yet, your money is in my purse.

  3. “It’s great playing with someone who actually loves it”/”It’s so hard to find a lady who genuinely enjoys this!”/”I would never hire a girl who didn’t want to be here”

    (I hate my work, btw. I took an acting class once, though.)

  4. This whole thing is soooooo familiar, like a bad work-related dream. Have heard them all (except for the one noted below). But the one I get a lot is the “I’m married so you’re going to have to be really discreet” and then proceeds to explain basic communication procedures and hotel ideas to me, often while asking me not to blackmail them. Or I get the long-winded explanations of their ED issues because they’re the ONLY client I’ve ever met with it and it’s a dread disease that I can’t even imagine the horrors of. (Guess I should have been on Twitter this week.)

    TEATS???? TEATS????

    • Yup, a client called em teats, and I’ve never forgotten it. He asked if I could take nipple torture (I was a sub), and I said no, not really, and he said: “Well, I won’t put the clamps right on the teats, then!” I couldn’t believe my ears.

      I sometimes wonder if escorts’ clients are as weird and clueless as many of mine. I don’t see how it could be possible.

      And LOL at the paranoid married guys. I get so many emails from guys saying I need to be “very discreet.” Why wouldn’t I be, fuckstick. If anything, I prefer it that you are married bc that means you will GO AWAY AFTERWARD.

      • Actually, from what I’ve heard from strippers and pro-dommes, it seems like their customers actually ARE the worst. Throughout my escorting career, I have dealt with a bunch of the micro-aggressions listed above but NOTHING like I’ve heard from my stripper and pro-domme friends.

  6. I’m curious if that’s the common experience with clients. Then why do you still do the work? I’m mostly curious because I don’t have any issues with sex work and I’m in theory with all of it being legalized as long as it’s well regulated to protect all parties involved. I mean is it really just the cash hell some of these seem like the money isn’t even all that good. I’m asking so I don’t assume.

    • And this comment illustrates a very common trend:
      Person in a “regular” job vents about client – receives understanding and compassion.
      Person in a sex job vents about client – gets asked “so why do you do it?!”
      This happens again, and again, and again. Can you imagine how it gets to us over time? Can you see what it tells us, what stories and perceptions it serves to maintain?

      You say you “don’t assume” or “don’t have any issues”. But if you don’t ask the same question of other jobs, then you do, you just aren’t aware of it. And if you do ask this question of customer service reps, waiters, admin assistants, or lawyers, etc. – then I apologize for making my own assumptions.

  7. Dear Lord, this is hilarious! Same goes for massage girls and dakinis. I’ve literally written books on this shit. The Hobbyist who thinks he is a Tantra guru after getting two “tantra massages”, the jerk who pushes boundaries and gives you every line in the book then don’t tip, the creeps who whine about not wanting to give screening info and then text stalk you… anyways, watch this funny video I made about #notallclients in the tantra world: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWQiquk6VUA ~ Scarlet

  8. Basically the men you get with more than $10 are the one’s I wouldn’t fuck for a drink in the club… Yeah bro, thanks for the free drink. No, I won’t be coming out to your car. I’m not even a prostitute and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “I’m the nice guy” or, “I’m not like the other guys.” Usually, when they are the one’s who have to say it…

  9. This is all too familiar! And every single one those clients think they’re different then the last. My favorite (as a pro Domme) are the Clients Who think they can get me to “break the files” for a “large tip”.

  10. “if we met under different circumstances would you consider dating me?”. If we met under different circumstances I probably would not even look at you and would make a concious effort to avoid eye contact.

  11. It seems like there is pervasive contempt for clients on the part of sex workers. That would seem to support the belief that sex work is not a choice that a competent person could think was valid for them. If you hate-hate-hate the person you are having an interaction with, how can it not be an extremely unhealthy interaction?

    In any job that involves personal service (waiting tables, domestic worker, etc.), a lot of frustration at inconsiderate customer behavior is inevitable. Am I wrong to wonder if the contempt/anger/hatred pervasively expressed on this website goes way beyond the expectable level of frustration?

    Is the answer that sex work should be thought of as comparable to being a race car driver? With a high danger of harm, (hopefully just) psychological in the case of the sex worker, physical in the case of the race car driver? But a reasonable choice because of the exceptional potential rewards?

    • I don’t think that we hate our clients more than other service workers–you just don’t happen to lurk on hair dresser forums and or/etc to see those people talk shit about their most irritating clients. After all, one of the best blogs about client misbehavior–“Clients from Hell”–was created by web designers–are you going to go read them the riot act for hating their clients, or opine that web design isn’t a choice?
      I do think our clients misbehave a lot more than many other industries’ clients because of the pervasive belief that sex workers are disposable and/or not fully human beings.

      • Riot act? Where are you getting that?

        This article comes across like it’s saying there are two kinds of custies, assholes, and the ones who think they aren’t.

        So, OK, if you’re a sex worker, who enjoys only the occasional wallow in warm mud or self-pity, that means you’ve largely gotten past wishful thinking, everyone-says-so and other forms of lazy thinking. And once you do that, a fairly dark opinion of humanity naturally follows. I can get on board with the idea that, being human, custies are largely assholes. But no, there is nothing special about us that allows us to transcend the normal limits of human assholery. If sex workers are typically convinced of the transcendent assholery of custies, I think that’s maybe saying the job is never a healthy choice.

        Believe me, the last thing I WANT is to have to accept the conclusion that paying someone for sex can never be ethical. It would mean celibacy for me.

    • We’ve addressed this fucktard and his HURT CLIENT FEELZ before on this board and I just can’t be bothered to reiterate it all.

      We’re entitled to vent. We don’t have to love you, dude. You are paying for a facsimile of love/affection and a service. If you’re a really good client, most of us will develop respectful feelings of warmth and appreciation for you, and even enjoy you erotically. Otherwise, this is just a job. If that turns you off, go get a real girlfriend.

      • I didn’t ask anyone to give a shit about how I feel. I am asking a question. If a sex worker (or really whatever worker) thinks literally all their clients are sacks of shit, how can it not totally fuck up said worker’s head to continue in the business?

        You vent on me, but then yourself contradict the sentiment of the original article, by saying there are really good clients. But fine, I offer myself as vent-target, as a small token of appreciation for all sex workers.

        When I’m with a sex worker, she is in control. My only control is to terminate the session early. A client is either compliant and acceptable, or non-compliant and unacceptable. If a sex worker feels overly appreciative of an acceptable client, that likely means she is being overly tolerant of unacceptable clients. I’m not trying to bash anyone, most of us tolerate things at work that aren’t really acceptable, some less, some more.

    • Ermmmmm, interested in sex work but have never done it, worked as a bar tender and waiter forever……. We totally hate customers, or more to the point we totally hate the annoying and disrespectful ones, and funnily enough they are the ones we moan about.

  12. Ahhh love this site!!! This is honestly the best, and most accurate depiction of annoying clients I have ever read. I have read it several times and laughed my arse off every time.

    Working in the industry, as a private worker I have a few of my own I’d like to contribute…

    I have to have fun with it otherwise I’d go insane….

    I have a client I have been seeing for years, who (extremely!) inappropriately asks about my other clients and how they compare to him i.e cock size, my enjoyment etc. WTF right?!! I smile & laugh it off, change subject, give him a friendly hug and as my face is hidden, roll my eyes and mouth “f***tard!” behind him. Ahhh the sheer f***ing stupidity of it all. Probably an indicator that he harbours same sex fantasies that he has problems facing. SO not an issue, but I do wish he’d just sort that out on his own time and not involve me. AWKWARD!

    One that really cheeses me off is: client calls, I answer. “Hello?”, “Can I come in NOW???!!”. Well, first of all bookings are, a) appointment only; b) I do have other clients already booked into my schedule as well as have a life outside work (oh horror of horrors!), and c) let’s not forget to factor in enough travel time to get here! Appointments are meant to start when the client gets here, not when he hops in his car, drives for half an hour, then arrives. He, of course is only considering his own time and self, everyone else, especially a sex worker, is simply irrelevant, and there for his enjoyment only at all times! Even when they’re not being paid. My response, “Are you waiting out front?”. client, is confused, “Errrr, no”. Back to moi, “Well then, unless you have a time machine, and go back in time long enough for you to drive here and arrive out the front RIGHT NOW, then we have ourselves in a bit of a pickle don’t we?”. client is even more confused, and bewildered. “Uh uh, uh, can I come in now?”. FFS! Usually my response is to just hang up. On the rare time I have let these, clearly disrespectful douchetards in because I wanted their money badly enough (of course factoring in appropriate time to arrive), they have been SURPRISE, SURPRISE… late! Tuh-dah!

    btw, isn’t an OCD issue on my part, I assure you! I just believe it’s a sign of respect to value other people and their time; it is, after all, money;)

    Oh, oh, oh, and what about those pearlers, “do you like to party? ;)” i.e. will you get off your face with me so I can take advantage of you completely and get my “money’s worth” (IF you get paid at all!!) or “do you accept payment other than cash ;)?” i.e. drugs. And no, they are not kidding. I’ve already asked. No effing way!!! Wow, what charmers!

    I could go on & on… but won’t! Have to go take a shower. 🙂

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.