Lawmakers in Colorado are proposing a way of educating men who buy sex from escorts. They’re billing it like a “Scared Straight” for hobbyists. But you know what a diversion program for busted Johns also sounds like? Traffic school. Maybe it will be eight hours long, have a brief lunch break, include a few sex trafficking equivalents of Red Asphalt, a shame workbook, and end with a multiple choice quiz. You know, because if only the guys spending money for pleasure knew that the women they were seeing were basically glorified comfort women, then maybe they’d think twice about it.
The fact that most of those guys are seeing women who participate in consensual sex work is probably not on the table, which bores me. YAWN, more evidence that people think we can’t consent to sex work, YAWN more evidence that people are cool with taking our agency away from us, YAWN more evidence that people think we couldn’t possibly want to have sex for money…
Anyway, I would love it if there were a school for Johns, but only if it were run by sex workers; Do you know how many grody men I have to point toward a shower because they showed up to a session without showering?
Lesson One: Wash Your Ass before you come see me.
Lesson Two: Some of us like our jobs, just like you. Some of us don’t, but we’re probably working out an exit strategy. Fold up the cape and put it away, Mr. White Knight.
Lesson Three: Darlin’, do you know how smart I have to be to do this job well? Stop telling me I’m too smart/good for this job. You have no idea how good I am at business because of this gig, how much I learn about men on the daily, etc. I am assuming you’re blinded by the fact that I am in the sex industry, therefore I must have low self esteem so you’re doing me a favor by stroking my ego a bit so that I can get on my feet? Maybe you think it’s dirty? Address your own guilt around sex if that’s the problem, because I’m good, boo. You don’t pay me for this!
Lesson Four: Get a new script! I hear so many men saying the same things, it’s become absurd. Diversify, fellas. You guys should form local groups and figure that out.
Lesson Five: Please try not to make our time together as awkward as possible with your prying into my personal life. Why would I tell you where I live? My mom’s name? My favorite bar? Honey, no. But I will tell you the name of A Bar, Someone’s Mom’s Name, and Someone’s Address… I’d rather not be forced into a ridiculous lie though, so let’s focus on what we’re here for.
Lesson Six: Please stop telling me about other women you sessioned with. I know her and I don’t want to hear you compare and contrast. That’s why you’re wearing a ball gag. Be a problem solver and keep your trap shut if you can’t say anything nice.
I’ve been working all weekend so I could do this all night, but you get the point. This is a bit silly, Colorado.