As a woman who’s been on both sides (I am an escort and I’ve also paid for sex with a male escort), I paid for sex so that I would be the focus. Since most of the time, I’m the one directing things and it’s not necessarily about my pleasure, it is nice to switch it up. A professional knows what he’s doing and won’t send me endless texts after wanting to know when he can see me again.

The thing is, a domme isn’t an escort. There are escorts who do BDSM sessions, but I think you are incorrect in categorizing a domme as a type of escort. At least in the biz, the terms are not interchangeable.

I’m buying that book! Thanks for the recommendation!

There actually ARE male escorts who are there for quickie sex. I’ve looked and found them. They’re not high-end male escorts but they are out there and they do have female clients.

That is so well put—that while your connection to a client may not be strong, it’s genuine.

I think it’s strange to think that anyone, as Simplicity says, has “fake” feelings. What would that mean? If you yourself are feeling something, it’s real. That “fake it ’til you make it” cliche has been borne out through scientific studies. If people smile, even when they’re not feeling happy, their mood lifts. And acting empathetic makes you a more empathetic person.

There’s a term for this: emotional labor. And a lot of professionals engage in it, most notably nurses, nannies, and therapists, but also hair stylists and personal trainers and others who provide one-on-one services. “The Managed Heart” is a book that’s become a touchstone for lots of academically-minded sex workers. We might run a review of it here on the site soon! http://www.amazon.com/Managed-Heart-Commercialization-Twentieth-Anniversary/dp/0520239334

I get asked this question quite often. It’s something I write about often. I don’t know if it fits the tone of a TitsAndSass post, but if I was asked to write another post, it’s a meaty topic.

The short answer to your question is that I simply have no need to “fake” a connection. I am not “acting” as though I care about the lives of my clients. I get great satisfaction from knowing that, by spending time with me, someone’s life has been improved. The money is a fantastic perk, but I was interacting with women in this way for years before I ever knew that I could get paid to do it. It was one of those women, in fact, who introduced me to my agent. I was already making six figures in a career I was passionate about before becoming an escort. I became an escort full-time primarily because I saw it as a step in my personal development. So, there is no “lie to repeat.”

In terms of connections, there is a difference between a genuine connection and a strong connection. All of my connections with my clients are genuine. They are not all equally strong, nor do they need to be in order for each client to feel fulfilled by the experience. The fact that I am an escort removes the idea that a connection would “just happen.” By the time we meet, my client has: decided, for whatever reason, she wants to retain the services of a male escort; begun researching possible escorts to hire; contacted my agency; sent sometimes dozens of emails back and forth to my agent; chosen to hire me; made plans, sometimes months in advance, to set up our meeting as she sees fit. She has invested time and energy into the process. Before we meet, she has already established a connection. We aren’t running into each other on the street, our meeting has been well orchestrated. I am always curious how she came to that point, and often, simply discussing that with an open mind and heart, coupled with my desire to learn something from her, if possible, is all it takes to establish genuine (relatively strong) connections in a short period of time. Nothing fake about it at all.

I completely agree, they are paying you for what comes before the sex… the conversation, the interest in their lives. My only question is this, aren’t you afraid that after years of escorting you won’t know which feelings are real and which are fake? You are being paid to act as if you care about their lives… the “boyfriend” experience. It’s like the whole if you repeat a lie so many times you start believing it idea. Won’t making a connection become automatic pilot rather then something that just happens between 2 people?

The way that gender does make a difference is that there is NO market for a male escort whose clientele just want to “get banged.” There’s no market for that because it’s available to just about every woman for free (often within arms reach).

To address your “more/less sex” comment, I actually would say that I have “more sex” during the course of an average appointment than virtually any other sex worker, besides hardcore porn actors. That’s an expectation of my clients. What I am saying is that while sex is most often an expected outcome, it is not what I was hired for. Women don’t need to pay a man (attractive or not) to simply have sexual intercourse (and foreplay, etc) with them. If I’m not being paid for “sex” (as most people interpret the term), then the term “sex worker” seems inaccurate.

I certainly am not making any qualitative statements. There is no real hierarchy on the straight male side. There’s strippers, porn actors, and escorts. The only hierarchy would probably be reflected in our bank accounts, and on all three counts, there are those of us who do quite well and those of us who can’t pay the bills with our profession alone.

Yes, that’s exactly the distinction; it’s about the market you’re trying to cater to.

I’ve actually turned down a female client just a day before we were due to meet because she sent a very crude, explicit email about what she was expecting from our night. (Hint: It was not romance.)