Hypothetical Sex Work Memoirs

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July 31, 2013

5166927398_24d03a37d9 — image via flickr user Brendan Riley

Beach season is upon us, which means it’s time to exploit the opportunity to read trashy books free of judgement. Gone are the days when it was protocol to leave ashtrays out for your houseguests, but you’d have to hide your copy of Valley of the Dolls. Nope, these days sexless secretaries commuting in pantyhose and sneakers can ride public transit proudly rocking a real (not Kindle) copy of Fifty Shades, because she’s advertising her deeply buried kinky side.

If a terribly-written BDSM novel by a layperson is at the top of the bestseller list, I’m thinking ACTUAL sex workers can do better; or we can simply indulge in penning one of these cheesy hypothetical sex worker reads (warning, political incorrectness to follow).

The Hooker Booker: Sympathetic tale of a former escort who is washed up and is now a phone madam.

From Slippers to Stripper: A clichéd downward spiral tale about a classically trained ballet dancer who started stripping.

Whore in Times of War: The exploits of a traveling prostitute who follows areas of conflict to service sex-starved military men and United Nations workers.

Phone Sex Train Wrecks: A collection of phone sex blooper transcripts.

Highbrow Hooker: The story of a well-bred WASP whose is left to her own devices when her family disowns her.

Gold Digger Pulls the Trigger: A wronged sugar baby gets the ultimate revenge on her deceitful “daddy.”

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Sex Worker Barbies

Sex Work Sells

By

Natalie

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March 22, 2012

stripper-1 — She Works Hard for the Money

Thanks to Seattle P-I blogger Michele Costanza for her recent post on Sarah Haney, a Denver-based photographer whose work involves posing Barbies in all sorts of compromising positions. Sometimes a girl’s gotta make ends meet as a stripper before she goes on to be a veterinarian, astronaut, cop, lifeguard, ballerina and presidential candidate.

As one of those kids who regularly orchestrated lesbian orgies with her Barbies, I really appreciated Haney’s vision (though she’s not the first to do something similar). I’ve posted a few pics here of Barbie trying her hand at sex work, but to see her snorting coke, taking a sobriety test or fucking the UPS guy, check out SarahHaney.com.

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Sex Work Sells: Wódka Vodka

By

Bubbles

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February 13, 2012

What's the sheep doing there? — photo courtesy of visitordesign / visitordesign.com

Friend of the blog Visitor Design sent this to us via Twitter on Friday night. Get it? It means that Wódka is the kind of vodka that’s here to pay off its student loans and has its own well-designed website, but it costs the same as the kind of cheap hooch hustling the corner for enough cash for another night at the motel. It’s a smooth marketing take on the commonly assumption that sex workers are doing one of two things: either ho-ing from sheer desperation or enjoying a pampered, rarefied existence thanks to the largesse of generous men. Because you know the language: escorts are expensive and hookers are cheap. While there are certainly sex workers who charge a lot and sex workers who don’t charge so much, I can’t imagine this ad saying something like “Model Quality, Girl Next Door Pricing.” Oh, wait. This is a liquor ad. That could totally happen.

But: There’s a sheep in that ad. In this context, the image of the sheep leads us to a darker place, one where, when desperate men think of the relative pricing and availability of prostitutes, may ponder the free option. Wódka, what are you going to do to that lamb? A willingness to associate your product with bestiality is truly a maverick move.

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.XXX Domain Ads: Creepy “Porn Is Moving to .XXX” Print Campaign

By

Bubbles

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February 2, 2012

The .xxx domain is nothing more than an efficient means for domain registrars to extort money from businesses and organizations afraid that their names will be bought and used by porn sites, and from adult site operators who must purchase their .coms in .xxx format, lest someone else do so and hijack traffic. They basically said as much themselves with the “Can You Afford Not To?” video ad campaign. You have to give them credit: When they finally approved the .xxx domain, ICANN created worth out of thin air by allowing domain registrars to run what is essentially a protection scam: “That’s a nice brand you have there. It’d be a real shame if it redirected to a porn site.”

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Kat’s 2011 Top 10 Stupid Headlines About Sex Work

By

Kat

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December 17, 2011

10. Missouri Supreme Court to Strip Club Owners: “Tough Titties” Judges are always talking about boobs and shit. This is actually a big deal but who can resist a good pun, right? Sleaze To Meet You, too, journalists. I hate to break it to you, but you guys have been using the same puns to write about sex work since the beginning of time.

9. Park Slope Adderall Ring Nets Stripper-Turned-Med Student / Bank Robbing Stripper And Brothers Caught After Car Chase, Gun Battle At what point do we get to be thought of as simply daughters, sisters, mothers, lovers, adderall-traffickers and bank robbers? Seriously, how does stripping still trump crime sprees? Why don’t we get to hear where the stripper’s loser brothers worked? I bet their employment histories would be interesting.

8. Mother Who Turns Her Life Around After Stripping Dies in Wreck See number 9.

7. How To Kiss A Stripper Without Getting Burned We haven’t had the energy to respond every time Complex used content about sex work to get traffic this year, although we did here and here. (Want to be more irritated? You’re welcome.) This was a bad one though. Yes, watch out for those complimentary French kisses that come with every lapdance. If you want to know how Herpes simplex originated, imagine a Contagion-style montage that leads back to a stripper locking lips with a monkey who then gestures that he left his wallet in his other vest and gets kicked out by the bouncers.

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