Ask Ms. Harm Reduction: Getting High With Clients

Dear Ms. Harm Reduction,
I’ve been escorting and doing pro domme work for a year and a half. Sometimes I do a gram of coke with regulars, or even do drugs with new clients on occasion. I’d like to be smart about this, but I feel like I can’t ask the the sex workers I know for advice because none of them would ever take that risk in the first place. Do you have any tips on how to stay safe while partying with clients?
Wilder Than (my) Friends

Dear WTF,

Ms. Harm Reduction is no Little Miss Better Safe Than Sorry in this regard either. Why, she used to pass the opium pipe with her gentleman callers, so you can date her devil-may-care attitude back quite a ways. But before I saunter too far down memory lane, here are some important things to remember about indulging with one’s benefactors:

First off, are you tossing a few back or tooting a bit because you desire to, or because you feel pressured to do so by some pushy swain? A decent beau will be happy to smoke the wacky tobaccy in your company without pressing the issue of your joining him. A gentleman who won’t take “no” for an answer where intoxication is concerned is just as alarming as a gentleman who doesn’t consider your consent in between the sheets. It’s what you younguns call a “red flag.” If there’s any way you can afford to give such a brute his walking papers, don’t hesitate to do so.

If you have to go through with seeing such a dodgy cad, distract him as much as you can with your womanly (or manly, or otherwise) wiles. Play a drinking game you can’t lose by dripping the spirits down your decolletage and having him clean it up for you with his tongue. Powder the cocaine down your derriere and have him inhale it there. Spill your portion down his chest and do it off him—he won’t be paying attention to how much you actually end up ingesting. Bring his wandering focus back to the reasons you’re there: your charms and his cash.

If that’s not your particular kerfuffle here, then here a few other factors to muse about before celebrating with a client: Is the fellow a regular? Have you seen him three sheets to the wind or otherwise intoxicated before, or do you know anyone who has? Do you trust him in that condition? Is the party favor he wants you to indulge in with him something you’ve tried before?

Do you trust his supplier? Can you bring your own goodies, or is the whole point of partying with this paying beau the fact that he’ll be providing them to you free of charge? Is the liquor he brings you in sealed bottles? If you want to benefit from his stash, make sure you see him partaking first, and then start by doing a smaller dose than you might do usually as a tester. See if you can wait for at least ten to fifteen minutes to make sure you’re reacting normally before indulging again. Don’t allow the gentleman to control your consumption: ask him to set aside your portion when you start, and then measure out each dose yourself.

If you do end up bringing the party favors, that might open up another proverbial can of worms. For one thing, keep in mind that by doing so, you’re going from risking a prostitution misdemeanor to a distribution felony, and be all the more careful accordingly. Also, in Ms. Harm Reduction’s experience, clients are not cool customers. They often have no idea how to behave so as to avoid the fuzz coming down. They’re usually clueless when it comes to discretion, seemliness, and etiquette, as well. Ms. Harm Reduction once knew one hapless lady of the night who ended up having a gentleman call her every five minutes for a week after one rendezvous in which she procured him some crack, begging her for more. If you’re the one providing the party, be crystal clear as to whether this is a one time occurrence or not, and if not, under just which conditions you’d be comfortable obtaining these goods for him again.

If you bring the drugs, spare a thought for storage. If the package is small, put it in a card holder or slip it in the slot under the makeup in a compact makeup container. That way it’s on hand for you to throw it away easily should the people come down on you and you fear a search. There are also armband and anklet wallets and phone holders, sold online or in children’s accessory stores, which can serve just as well storing a little contraband. But be aware of the fact that the police may well want to confiscate your phone in case of an arrest, in which case you may not be able to get your little hands on your phone holder fast enough to dispose of your party favors. If you use ye olde put-it-in-your-brassiere trick just in case a cop does ask for your ID, confiscate your phone, or search your purse, make sure you stick the package near the top or the middle of the bra cup and not on the bottom of it, so it’s less likely to fall out. Try to push your brassiere as hard as you can against yourself so that the package sticks securely to your skin—the same goes for storing it in your unmentionables.

Lastly, there’s always discreetly rolling the package into a napkin, folding that napkin into a condom, and sticking it up one of your orifices. While cops can make a vehicle stop or question someone on a suspicion, they need actual probable cause to do a cavity search, and it’s not something they often resort to immediately. Just make sure the ends of the condom aren’t sticking out of you so that the officer doesn’t notice any unsightly bulges if he pats you down. But keep in mind that body heat has a deleterious effect on most drugs in the long term, and of course, if your intoxicants are tucked snugly inside you, you can’t flush them down the toilet if worst comes to worst.

If you use bills to snort up your stuff, don’t keep the bills rolled among your belongings—that will bring immediate suspicion on you if you’re stopped. (And why would you use bills for that? Ms. Harm Reduction would remind you that money is more than metaphorically dirty.) Don’t keep straws on you, either. But it doesn’t hurt to bring a mirror with you in case you lack clean surfaces to lay out powder. It can also be helpful if you’d like to touch up your makeup and powder your nose in the more conventional sense on the go.

Bedroom games with a fellow who’s far from sober come with their own unique risks. It can take longer for your caller to be satisfied in bed, which means more time spent doing the whoopee and increasing the risk of torn membranes which make you vulnerable to infection. If you yourself are on picker-uppers like amphetamines or cocaine, those mucous membranes dry up more easily, also making them more likely to tear and making you more likely to get an STI. Make sure to bring more lubrication than you usually do, as well as more condoms, to have plenty of fresh ones at hand as his drunken pecker deflates and inflates.

When going on a tete-a-tete in which you plan to go on a bender, be extra sure to check in with your pals. If you’re working in a shared incall, brothel, or club, you might ask your amis to go the extra mile and make sure you get home all right if you’re all boozed up or otherwise intoxicated.

I must remind you shebas, sheiks, and others that harm reduction strictures go double when you’re vulnerable around a client you may or may not trust with all your harlot heart. Don’t mix substances. Don’t share straws—but if you have to share straws, flip the straw over after he toots out of it and designate that end of the straw as your own. Make sure you use a pipe that won’t cut or burn your luscious lips. Be wary of using needles around your gentleman callers. If you must inject, bring your own sealed syringes. And for pity’s sakes, shoot yourself up—don’t allow your benefactor to bungle a shot for you.

Again, Ms. Harm Reduction doesn’t endorse the use of any illicit drugs, and she’d prefer that if you do partake, you do so in the privacy and safety of your own boudoir, with your strumpet bosom buddies about to make sure you’re all right. But what’s most important to her is that all her demimonde friends return safely from their assignations, so use wisely and well!