We’ve been working our tails off here at Tits and Sass H.Q. We’ve calculated, tabulated, carried the four and moved the decimal. We almost ran out of bananas to feed our staff of well-trained statistician monkeys. It was a close one, but we persevered. Now we can finally publish what may be considered the most important and scientifically relevant bit of sex worker research ever done. Yes, the results of our poll are in and we can now answer the most pressing question of our time: What, dear sex workers, irritates YOU the most?
55% of strippers polled agreed that, “So, what’s your real name?” just might be the most grating question on the planet. Sweatpants Boner Man (he always comes close, but never quite makes it in) received 32% of the votes and “So, what else do you do?” received 13% of the votes. (Answer: they’re just putting themselves through life, buddy.)
Everybody loves a good deal but escorts would prefer you stick a sock in it over asking for one. One wise commenter stated, “I’m not a pair of shorts. You won’t find me in the bargain bin because I’m NOT ON SALE.” Haggling over previously agreed upon and/or posted prices earned 43% of votes, barely edging out rough and ceaseless stimulation on your most sensitive parts, which received 37% of the votes. A note to clients: please wash your damn junk, seeing as 20% of the votes went towards poor hygiene.
Fetish Providers and Pro-Dommes cringe every time a client shrugs and suggests, “I want to do whatever you want to do!” One commenter smartly deconstructed this remark, which received a full 50% of the votes: “In client speak ‘I want to do whatever you want to do’ actually means ‘magically figure out my incredibly obscure and unusual fantasy and make it reality. I will not give you any hints or clues, in fact I am unable to talk about my own desires in any meaningful way. I probably don’t even consciously know what they really are. And I expect you to have lots of (incredibly expensive and specific) equipment readily available. Oh, and if you can’t figure it out I will be whiny and extra annoying. And not only will I not book again, I will trash you in any forum I can find (to other members of the community, on ratings boards, etc.).’” 36% found unadulterated passive-aggressiveness presented as being submissive to be the absolute worst and lastly, 14% picked “Are you dominant/into my highly-specific-and-obscure fetish in real life?”
What did we miss, dear readers? What’s bothering you right now? In a perfect world, how would you deal with these everyday irritations? Tell us in the comments. Tell us RIGHT NOW!