I don’t disagree with you on the “aroused/non-sex setting-sitch”, (I am, not the least, a male, which means morning wood from age 11-38) but the author of the article is in a far greater emotional darkspace than I have ever been. He is dealing (I’m grasping a bit here) from a one generational remove to my experience. Despite loathing my physical body, I am so much better integrated mind/body/sex/spirit than our ‘protagonist’, it’s a bit difficult for me to relate here.

The issue here will be, as you and Beatrice noted, the misapprehension of the flick bearing ANY connection to the realities of being disabled, or being a sex worker. Our stories rarely get told well, and our protagonist here has a back-story of emotional broken-ness that needs an additional hour of exposition at a minimum.

Thanks for the dialogue.
\Typing with one thumb,
R

Why is it plausible when talking about an adolescent and not an adult? The body has its own processes and responses. It doesn’t mean we can’t take responsibility for them, but I know I’ve felt (unwanted) pangs of physical arousal in non-sexual situations with people I’m not attracted to—like, say, a very gentle gynecologist. I’m not going to orgasm over it but it’s also easier for me, as a woman, to disguise. Plenty of men get visibly aroused during non-sensual massages. The professional response is to ignore it, not to yell “ew gross” and kick them out: http://altmedicine.about.com/od/massage/a/massage_ques.htm

“Gentle touch administered to any area of the body can activate the parasympathetic nervous system and cause a partial or full erection. Your massage therapist (male or female) understands this and will generally ignore it.”

Sorry to bust your bubble, but I know a few surrogates. You can’t hire a surrogate directly. Surrogacy is actually NOTHING like what the movie makes it look like. It’s for people who have trauma or need intensive counseling help from a surrogate partner. You go to a therapist and do traditional talk therapy together over time. If said therapist thinks that you need more help than that, he’ll bring in a surrogate and you’ll all work together (not at the same time, but in two different sessions in the same day). The thing that surrogates like to point out is that the bulk of the work they do is non-sexual. The circumstances in the real story behind the movie were special circumstances. Only 16% of surrogate’s clients end up having sex with the surrogate, and that’s after a time. You can’t hire a surrogate and expect to have sex next week or even next month.

If you do decide that your problem is not a sexual one, but one of learning how to make connections and learning how to have a relationship, the link in my name is a link to Surrogatetherapy.org You can find therapist/surrogate teams there. Otherwise, I’d say that your best bet is to find an escort who is disability friendly. There are many of them and you can find them on the escort review sites. You’ll want to make sure you mention it to her when you book her/she screens you. 🙂

Another thing to think of when you look into surrogacy is that there are only something like 100 surrogates left in the US (if that’s where you are). Many states don’t have any surrogates, and some states don’t have surrogates living anywhere near where clients might be.

I’m not buying it. This is plausible if we’re talking about a 12 to 17 year old, but his sexual self didn’t just click on when he turned 30. Hrrrm, guess I’d better read the bloody thing and see it if the whole meal reads hollow.

Mark O’Brien wrote about it in the original essay. He wasn’t “being sexual” with them purposefully; he was aroused by another person touching him and responding in a way that shamed and embarrassed him, and which he felt was outside of his control:

“As a man in my thirties, I still felt embarrassed by my sexuality. It seemed to be utterly without purpose in my life, except to mortify me when I became aroused during bed baths. I would not talk to my attendants about the orgasms I had then, or the profound shame I felt. I imagined they, too, hated me for becoming so excited.”