Perfectly adult response to a really childish bit of snarking. Though the defensiveness of “I’m married, actually… fuck off” pretty much speaks to the heart of your article.

And this “Pro-to-pro tip: When people talk about you as if you are a concept rather than a human being, and even manage to get THAT wrong, you’ll know your coming out process has reached full saturation.”

All sex workers are discussed as “concepts”– not just the one whose blog namesake became a character on a TV show (no, not under the same name, but when the show is described as “based on ‘the popular diary of the anonymous sex worker known only as Belle de Jour'” it’s pretty understandable to mistakenly call the character Belle de Jour)– and that’s why coming out is tricky territory. To people not in the biz, stripper is a stereotyped concept, dominatrix is a stereotyped concept, escort is a stereotyped concept. To claim that you’re the only one who’s experienced being turned into a concept/character based on false assumptions just because you’re famous for your work does a pretty big disservice to the rest of us who experience the same but don’t have a platform to dispel the false assumptions– besides on blogs like this.

As much as it irritates me that someone being willfully mean has taken over the comments, I think her reaction to your piece has a lot to do with exactly what you talked about in it. I just wish she wasn’t clearly trying to make you feel like shit in the process.

I find it very rude that you would try to knock me or anyone else in this business down for sharing our personal insights and emotional experiences, a means of support in our isolated and stigmatized world.

Well fucking said.

Lilly, I’m sorry that this otherwise heartfelt & honest piece got derailed over one casual aside. This is an important topic that weighs on everyone who does this work, and I can’t tell you how much I loved reading about your experiences.

Again, I admit the trouble in using your name erroneously; in illustrating my point it would have been more accurate to use “Hannah” rather than “Belle,” though again we run into this central theme here, not only for you but for many sex workers: where does one persona end and the other begin? Where do we draw the line between our personal and professional identities? In fact your response begs the question: who does Belle de Jour speak for here? Belle, the renowned prostitute, or Brooke Magnanti, the married PhD? These sorts of questions and observations are my reason for contributing to this site, not to offend any one person(a) and subsequently beat myself up if I’ve rocked the boat. If you believe the subject of my article is trite and passé, then that’s certainly your opinion, but I find it very rude that you would try to knock me or anyone else in this business down for sharing our personal insights and emotional experiences, a means of support in our isolated and stigmatized world.

It seems that this might be a good opportunity for a calm and intellectual dialogue on the subject, and that you would be inclined to direct me toward your books and blogs, rather than so rudely write me and/or this entire site off for a bit of misinformation. This is a place for educating, sharing, learning, and supporting, not so carelessly throwing around shame.

“I wasn’t offended so you shouldn’t be!” Yup, got that message, loud and clear. Cheers girls.

Well then do your homework. The series is not called “Belle de Jour” in the UK, US, or any other market. No one on the series is called “Belle de Jour”. Billie Piper plays a woman named Hannah Baxter whose working name is Belle Sinclair. Belle de Jour is either me, or the character Joseph Kessel wrote so elegantly played on film by Catherine Deneuve.

If you’re going to reference classic hos, at least make the basic effort to get it right.

I judged you on that one phrase because throwing in a backhand insult to me at the end of a “aren’t I great and brave about coming out and other people coming out” piece is about two years too late, and an unwelcome find at a site I used to like reading. Pro-to-pro tip: When people talk about you as if you are a concept rather than a human being, and even manage to get THAT wrong, you’ll know your coming out process has reached full saturation.

Oh dear. Well perhaps it’s even more terrible, but I was actually referencing the character of “Belle de Jour” from the television series, whose professional/personal/romantic conflict was a central element to the drama of the show. Upon submitting this piece to editing I originally had the name of “Belle de Jour” in quotes, implying characterization, but that was lost in translation. I suppose it was irresponsible of me to make that unclear, and I apologize for any personal offense you took from it.

But honestly, for that to be the one phrase upon which you judge this entire essay is perhaps more insulting to me than to you. xo

Yes, it is my understanding that Lilly was only referring to the events—related by Belle herself—in her blog and books, and not her subsequent or current relationship status.

I’m married, actually. And you can fuck off.