Comments on: Jealousy Is Not An Excuse: Monogamous Norms and Partner Violence Against Sex Workers

By: Rachael McCrosky

Rachael McCrosky — Tue, 26 Aug 2014 17:45:35 +0000

My apologies if the comment came across as derailing. I didn’t see any way to contact the author and thought that comments were moderated, so it would only show if she chose it to show. It was personally written to the author, not meant as a post of advertisement. I’ve been trying to contact people in multiple venues for nearly a year now, and sincerely welcome feedback about doing it in a more sensitive manner.

By: Kitten

Kitten — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 23:49:44 +0000

@Scarlet Heart, thank you that it is a really good point about harem mentality. I am fortunate to live in a sweet little poly bubble full of progressive and/ or queer men, and I often forget about the ugly turns non-monogamy can take outside of that bubble. I try not to overly idealize non-monogamy or poly- it’s just hard not to when I can see how well it works in the right circumstances.

By: Amanda

Amanda — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 14:20:34 +0000

Koppenhaver has done porn as well. It doesn’t really change anything you said, Kitten. It actually makes it sadder that he — and the media — can’t see past Christy’s work, even though they have both done the same thing.

By: Lilithe

Lilithe — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 09:51:01 +0000

First I want to address the comment by Rachel – I find it terribly insensitive that you would derail this conversation with your research proposal that has NOTHING to do with this article – there are much better venues for approaching sex workers. I find it insensitive and distasteful and a great example of the reasons sex workers don’t trust researchers who want to study sex workers. I’m sure your intent is good and all, but posting it here as a derail from the conversation is just insensitive.

Second, thank you for this article – I had the exact same reaction to that line in Christy Mack’s statement of what happened. As far as I understood, she and War Machine were broken up, and she had absolute freedom to be with who she chooses. It broke my heart that she felt she needed to justify and explain spending time with another man in any way. I do not blame her, though – internalized patriarchal ideals of monogamy run deep. Whore shaming is epidemic. It hurt to see that in her, but I think we all carry that to some degree or other.

By: Scarlet Heart

Scarlet Heart — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 07:46:46 +0000

Great article! Though not to argue – more to expand on this paragraph:
“Monogamy seems to fail the most marginalized in our society the hardest. The expectations it places on women especially have patriarchy written all over them. Jealousy and possessiveness have always been, and continue to be, used to excuse men’s violence. ”
I think male possessiveness and double standards are also rife in the polygamous community. I have found that there is an expectation that in hetero poly relationships the man will sleep with other women, yet the female partner is only permitted to sleep with other women. (this is actually a reason why I identify as poly, but tend not to take part in the poly community) Most of the men I encountered in it were of the “stallion” mentality. Plenty of them liked the idea of a harem of women at their disposal, yet reacted with incredulity and hostility at the notion of a woman with multiple male partners, and ridiculed any man in such a relationship as unmanly or somehow weak. Plus they would all too eagerly use dubious evo-psych arguments to prop up their misogyny (men are designed to be promiscuous, women are designed to nest, blah, blaaah bullshit). So not going to argue with the what this article so eloquently states, just I think the attitude that women are possessions is not mutually exclusive to monogamy.

By: Lori Adorable

Lori Adorable — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 04:26:53 +0000

Oh my god this comment. Is this real life?

By: Rachael McCrosky

Rachael McCrosky — Thu, 21 Aug 2014 20:49:19 +0000

Hi, I’m a graduate student doing qualitative interviews with a spectrum of non-monogamous women (sex workers, adult film workers, poly, and other non-monogamous) about their experiences with health care workers. Specifically, about their experiences when going in for sexual health care visits. This is not research about STIs. Instead, it is focused on the in person encounters with health care workers. Women do not have to be out to their providers as non-monogamous in order to participate. Would you be interested in talking with me? If so, here is a link to the Informed Consent – https://docs.google.com/file/d/0BwtqwOxF-qA_VTBMd0xIZ2FsZU0/edit?pli=1

It does specifically state escorts/companionship workers in the Informed Consent, but here is the link to the expansion to cover all non-monogamous women. https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwtqwOxF-qA_MndFODZCV3gxZTA/edit?usp=sharing

Thank you,

Rachael McCrosky
University of Central Florida
Sociology Department