The second point is the main point. Is the customer always right? I’ve never taken on a client that I didn’t feel I could satisfy. Only once has this backfired, when I met the most perpetually unhappy client. He has changed the way I address meeting new clients. While he seemed pretty satisfied during the appointment, his review of me said he didn’t think I was into him. Well, he was nearing 500lbs, something he left out, and I made the best of. Now that he’s lost 200+lbs, he’s realizing he had the best time with me. I’ve learned that if I get a glimpse of emotional insecurity, especially where I realize that I’m not going to be of much help, I decline.

Great talks!

I can’t speak for the other ladies, but I didn’t feel the sentiments expressed at the end were apologetic. I was speaking against this assumption (which I’ve encountered quite often from holier-than-thou ‘Serious Professional’ sex workers + their clients) that complaining about my job and having negative feelings around it means I’m bad at it. The corollary is that I only complain about it/ don’t like it *because* I’m bad at it. All a bunch of nonsense.

I’ve waited tables at family restaurants where I was treated like a cheap servant. When I started cocktailing in a (very nice) strip club, tips depended on a lot more flirtiness and mind-reading, of course. Then I had a guy who wouldn’t give me a tip at all (20% tip was $30 on his tab) until I agreed to go on a date with him; not to mention all the guys pissed off because I wouldn’t take off my clothes for their money (I would have been fired on the spot).

I’ve often imagined Hooters would be like that. It sounds like the San Diego restaurant has those guys in there. I don’t know why some guys just have to ruin a good time by not believing “no” means “NO.”

Somewhat off topic but still somewhat related, btw, Amanda, I responded belatedly today to a comment in your blog you made about something I wrote elsewhere in Tits and Sass, about the division between personal sex and client sex and to what extent the sex workers’ rights movement influences its participants’ perspectives. I only read it today–felt famous being mentioned in your blog, which I’ve read for years (for almost a decade, since I started reading it shortly after I started escorting?) even if it was only to be critiqued!
http://www.texasgoldengirl.com/afterhours/reactions/#comment-570382

I have had more than 1 relationship with a client and have written about it here:
http://www.texasgoldengirl.com/afterhours/dating-as-an-escort/

I can’t speak for the other panelists, but I felt the need to qualify my discussion here because I am not like this with clients (unless they piss me off), this is venting. I have rarely even gotten into a discussion about sex worker rights or assorted work issues with clients. It’s something I actively avoid: I leave work at the office when I’m with clients. Though I don’t leave my ethics or boundaries behind.

I got some of this when I was waiting tables, though nowhere near as much as sex workers report. I haven’t done sex work, but I have a hunch that the sense of entitlement to your provider/server’s personal life comes from the same thing.

However, that hunch is probably informed by having recently read a restaurant owner’s writing about his experience in running a restaurant in San Diego where tipping was not allowed. He said that some customers objected, but a few got irrationally livid: they were middle-aged men. He thinks the anger comes from his restaurant having taken away their fantasy that they were controlling the young women waiting on them by the power of their wallets. It sounds like that fantasy may be behind some of the invasive things bad clients of sex workers do. (since this is speculation on my part, please don’t hesitate to tell me if you think I’m wrong)