Late to comment, but thought I’d offer another male perspective.

As a firm believer in Occam’s Razor, my take is that the author answered her own question: “it’s the perfect way for customers to say no”. In the moment, I really don’t think it goes any deeper than that in the male mind. It’s not an admission that he’ll lose control of motor function and operate on animal impulse. When it’s a question of “let’s go to a private room”, that phrase splits all the differences you highlighted.

Also worth noting is that from the customer’s perspective, it’s a risk-free way of determining whether or not a dancer will provide extras. It lets the dancer cross the Rubicon (and mainains a fantasy, for that matter).

I could be wrong, but I am under the impression that anything other than lapdances are at the discretion of the dancer, and only offered through a bouncer. Whether that means that the club has a steep take of anything extra to a lapdance *almost* pales in comparison to the fact that full service seems to be offered at the dancer’s discretion, and under the appearance of the dancer’s safety. I could be wrong on some of these impressions, but I think I’m right on the core observation that full service is at the dancer’s discretion.

That sounds rather condescending.

I was always bored with Jane Austen’s novels; in my opinion, I’ve always thought she was a bit over-rated. I’m aware it’s considered trendy to be a fan of her novels, but I found them to be tedious, long-winded, and dull.

It’s funny, whenever I’ve talked to men and mentioned that my years of stripping gave me insight into all men, they would quickly argue that not all men go to strip clubs and my observations are skewed. I’ve never felt that because I always assumed assinine male behavior is the same, only some do it for free and others pay for the right in a strip club. Pretty much what you and Kelly have said.

Here “clean” is used routinely to describe absolutely no touching, no sexual contact, zero drug tolerance, and in many clubs, no alcohol consumption by dancers. Also means sticking to the council-imposed regulations. A short-hand used amongst dancers, and more importantly easily translated to punters. Whilst I understand that many sex workers find the term ‘clean’ offensive, it is not whorephobic to use it in this way, to describe myself., and I resent the word being thrown around.

I have worked in less strict clubs, and that is fine, as long as dancers know how they operate before agreeing to work there, informed consent.

My original point was, because the clubs were so stringent, it was easy for me to assert my strict boundaries with both customers and security. Grey areas vastly reduced. Very few customers asking for “extras” or trying to push my boundaries. Security reacted quickly if anything out of the ordinary occurred. I understand with contact dancing and sex work those areas become much more grey and blurred. I felt extremely safe and had a great 5 year experience.

And I agree with comment by Kelly above, as a feminist and former dancer, the not “understanding” the rules in a lap club, or not being able to “control” themselves is a dangerous nonsense.

The good girl/whore dichotomy is (sadly) alive in clubs and the clients psyche.

Really, though, dudes are mostly scumbags and this is just more of “boys being boys”.

And I know this is not a forum for me, but since there were a couple queries regarding the male perspective on this behavior, I thought I’d contribute one dude’s perspective on that particular topic. Back to just reading…

the thrill! that’s exactly it. a customer explained to me once that being in the club and getting free attention feels like winning, and lapdances feel like losing, unless he can talk me down on price (he used a really unfortunate euphemism for talk down too, so charming) or get me to throw in extras. in which case he’s winning again! My eyeroll made my head hurt. you’re doing it all so wrong, buddy.