TRIGGER WARNING FOR DISTURBING SESSION INVOLVING MOLESTATION

Excellent writing.

One of the worst sessions I ever had involved a client pretending to be a little girl. It was a role-play in which I “abducted” her and took her to my house and kept her there. In consultation, nothing about the fantasy was explicitly sexual, which is why I agreed to it.

About half an hour in, I realized that he was pretending to be his younger sister, who was molested by their dad and himself.

I’m a masochist and a heavy player…but I have seldom been so creeped out and revolted in session as I was when I realized what the client was actually playing out.

And then I was furious, because I felt tricked into participating in a session I would not have agreed to had I known what it would entail.

These sick fucks really let it all hang out with sex workers…and I suspect fetish workers get it the worst because we work at the nexus of sex and violence. I saw so much weird shit in my SW career. Nobody sees the sick parts of men like sex workers. Maybe psychologists and, so a lesser extent, social workers…maybe cops, a little bit. We are the fucking liver of society, man.

What I hate it when they’re dishonest about what they want and then kinda force it on you, like what this client did with the picture.

I dismissed the idea by suggesting a naughty neighbor fantasy. He participated but was disappointed. Once he left I began wondering if I messed up. Maybe he came to me to avoid acting this fantasy out on his actual daughter. What if I drove him into her legs?!

I still get the odd requests, I write about them and my experiences on
http://Www.hookerproblemz.blogspot.co.uk

I can empathize with your morale dilemma. I remember when I was 14 I met with my best friends pedophile who had been raping her and who suddenly had a fresh fancy for me. She allowed him to rape her because in her mind she could cope and she was saving him from raping other girls. I didn’t like her logic, her reasoning was that of a martyr’s and certainly not one a 14 year old should have. So to show her exactly what she was doing, I offered myself up as bait knowing he had greedy eyes for me. Once I put the offer out there, she stopped allowing him to see her.

I sometimes often wonder if I ever did manage to save her or maybe she was right, maybe she could have coped a lot better than other teenage girls. Maybe in fact I managed to ruin more lives by not allowing her to consent, by manipulating her kindness against her, maybe he would continue to hurt a number of other girls. You don’t know these things and you never really can know.

At the end of the day I like to think we’re not the ones responsible for a mans abuse, no matter what the circumstances are, nor should we ever be forced to be. I think you did the right thing for you and for him. He should have been seeing professional help, not a sex worker to vicariously live his pedophilic urges. It might had been a case of the lesser evil or it may have been a case of the slipper slope, who knows. At the very least I do know we’re not supposed to be the ones who have to deal with those issues.

That’s a lot to shoulder. I’ll think about this piece for days, and what it means in my life. Even knowing we aren’t alone in our work, some aspects (like wondering if I’m perpetuating child sexual abuse or preventing it) can feel awfully lonely.

The guy in this story needs intensive help as well. His fantasies are only age play in so much that he is playing a different age; mostly, they’re pedophilic. Age play never involves actual children, never involves fantasizing about them. It involves the tropes of childhood and regression of adults and fantasizing about adults either regressing or engaged with these tropes. That may seem like a dubious distinction to an outsider, but as someone who does age play, it’s a huge one. Those of us who are genuinely into the ABDL, DD/lg blah blah blah are often survivors of childhood trauma, not perpetrators of it, and are just as freaked out by sexualizing actual children as any halfway decent people are.

It’s the same difference between getting off on whips and chains and getting off on actual kidnap and imprisonment and torture– which, yeah, we had one of those men in our dungeon as well. He would bring in photographs of genocide. I’m not nearly as articulate as this author when talkinga bout this stuff, I just kind of run out of words and…. god, this fucking sick fucks we have to deal with sometimes, I just…