Dear Tits and Sass,
As a stripper, I have scads of finicky little costume pieces that are forever getting lost, natch. I live in a shithole with inadequate closet space, and all my drawers are spoken for. Do you all have any creative ideas for keeping my two pieces in one piece, and my skimpy little pseudo-dresses unwrinkled? I realize that Tits and Sass does not presently have a Martha Stewart column, but I figured that everyone’s stripper power combined would be able to help me find a solution.
Thanks!
Sloppy Stripper
Bubbles: Let me take a moment to mention that if there is a Stripper Martha Stewart out there, we’d love to run your column.
Ah, the stripper wardrobe problem. Mine changes with every move or strip trip, and I’ve never found the one perfect solution. Well, I had one year when I went and bought some bracket shelves and mounted them on the wall with a closet pole beneath and used that station only for my stripper clothes and shoes, and it was bliss. But then I moved out of that place, and I’ve never been in another where I had just the right wall space to do that. Sigh. So now I use a combination of a small dedicated dresser, some closet organizational tools, and baggies to keep my hoochie clothes relatively organized.
Thongs and garters: Buy a belt loop hanger and put your thongs on it. Buy another one for your garters or use the same one, depending on the size of your wardrobe.
Gowns: Hang multiple gowns on hangers, folded over. They’re usually lightweight enough to do this and unless you’re super fancy and have dozens of stripper gowns, should only take up a handful of hangers.
Short dresses: Buy these multiple clip hangers, like so, and hang all your dresses off of them. If you have stuff that’s prone to wrinkling, this will keep them smooth.
Two pieces: After you have done your stripper laundry, tie them together. If it’s a bra and bottoms set, put the panties on the bra and then hook it closed. You can then either hang these on a belt loop hanger or multi-clip hanger, or throw them in a drawer and rest assured that at least you’ll pull out a complete outfit when you’re rummaging through.
Stockings, thigh highs, socks: A hanging stocking storage bag works all right, or you can just give them a dedicated baggie.
Shoes: You can either get cheap plastic shoe boxes from the Container Store or an over-the-door pocket storage or floor storage, whichever works best for your space.
And consider, if it’s at all possible, getting a small set of drawers for your outfits.
If you really don’t have any closet space, use a little suitcase or foot locker, and within that those packing cubes or baggies to keep things organized. And I try to always remember to pack this little clippy lingerie hang-dryer when I travel.
Josephine: When I was in college, I lived in one of those shit holes that you allude to. My apartment was so small that it only had three walls; I lived in a freaking triangle. My only “closet” (a tension rod behind some plastic paneling) was located in the bathroom.
I bought two Sterilite stackable packing drawers. I stored all of my stripper-related beauty products in the bottom drawer. I used cut-up cardboard to create dividers for the top drawer. There was space for g-strings, bikinis, gowns, and accessories (nylons, garters, etc.). I had a ton of clothes so I rolled them up, um, kind of like the fancy socks you see in department stores. For the most part, my clothes stayed wrinkle-free. Bonus: if you have to entertain some nosey visitors the Sterilite drawers are easy to move if you need to get the whole mess of stripper stuff out of your home.
But sometimes, whether it’s laziness or lack of time, freshly laundered stripper outfits just aren’t an option. First: Febreeze them (I love that Febreeze is both a verb and a proper noun). Then, lightly mist them with a little water and use a hair dryer to remove the moisture. While you’re blow-drying, gently smooth your clothes out on a flat surface. Voila! Your clothes will be clean, well, clean-ish and wrinkle-free.
I kept my shoes in my car. Our lucite shoes obviously double as deadly weapons; I think it’s just good street-smarts to keep a pair under the seat, just in case.
I will never understand why my fellow strippers spend so much time with their outfits. I have always just had one or two outfits that I wear multiple days in a row and then wash together on my day off. Getting a brand new outfit has never seemed to positively affect my income either. Sometimes if I am working at a club where there are girls who invest a lot more time in costumes than I do, and they notice that I rarely change but sell way more dances than they do, I will get labeled a “whore,” because they cannot fathom how someone who doesn’t change her outfit could be making money, unless it is that I am a “whore.” Just get a couple of slutty looking dresses from American Apparel and keep them on a hanger together, the men will love the pheromones that the dresses marinade in from being on your body so often without switching it up. Let the fabrics marinade with your sweat and juices, and wash them with a little bit of Dr. Bronners Peppermint Soap once a week.
The most successful hustlers I knew had 1-2 dresses that they used every single night (one of the most successful of all wore the same dress every night for years). They rarely changed into anything else. It worked for them. I have no idea if they followed your washing plan or not, I never asked. I assumed everyone who didn’t want the inside of their home to smell like stale cigarette smoke and be covered with micro-glitter washed often.
I liked having different clothes because I got sick of seeing myself in the same things, though it was obvious which outfits were better for making money when I wore them.
I don’t dance, but for escorting, I’ve been feeling a lot hotter and more confident since I went on a bit of a spree lately revamping my wardrobe for my thirties, seeing as how I thrifted or freeboxed most of the work clothes I wore throughout my twenties and now they’ve all fallen apart. It doesn’t seem to affect my clients, though. My regulars hardly ever notice if I’m wearing a new outfit. I mean, when I was 21, I used to go on calls Courtney Love stylez wearing a torn black slip and it wouldn’t make a difference. (That being said, I was also a lot more attractive and several dress sizes smaller then.) I’d never do that these days, and appearing in more sedate outfits tends to soothe older client’s newbie nerves, but yeah. I mostly dress for other escorts and to psyche myself up. The only thing that does seem key to my clients is my signature black lacy boyshorts/garter belt and stockings combo. They love that, so I wear some version of it under every work outfit, under my leggings if it’s cold. Not so sure about the suggestion to marinade clothes in one’s scent, though–and as a heavy smoker, I do better with nonsmokers in recent years now that I have a strict policy to store my work clothes far away from where I smoke, besides my deep cleansing/mouthwash pre call rituals.
[…] By suzyhooker […]
Hi! Not a dancer, but I do keep a lot of domme gear in a locker at work.
I recommend a gear bag with lots of pockets. Helps keep things organized.
Also: those hang-over-the-back-of-the-door shoe bags. The ones that allow you to hang like 9 pairs of shoes on the back of the door. Those pockets are very helpful and they can hold a lot of stuff.
I’m a Domme, but I had similar issues when I quit my last dungeon and suddenly had to store all the stuff from my locker in my room.
Re: shoes. If you can’t keep them in the car or you want to free up room in your house to put in an extra drawer, consider getting a shoe carousel. I have a metal one from the Container Store. It was really easy to put together and it holds my considerable shoe collection easily without taking up much room at all. It can handle almost anything that isn’t a knee boot. The leftover spaces work well for my winter hats.
One of the better tricks I’ve heard for last minute de-wrinkling: hang the outfit in your bathroom while you take a hot shower. It’s not great, and Josephine’s method is probably a lot better, but it does make a difference if you’re in a hurry.
Can’t believe no one mentioned dryer sheets! Put em in your stripper bag, in drawers you keep your stripper clothes in, stuff em in your shoes. Instant clean smell. I also am a big fan of delicates bags, usually used for washing. I keep my thongs and gloves etc in them, keeps the little stuff from getting lost, and when they’re dirty I can just throw the whole thing in the washing machine. http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/1/1/25349-intimates-wash-bag.html I know girls who put outfits into gallon ziplock bags but when I tried that I found the air tight plastic made things smell faster. In my closet I have a sterilite drawer set just like josephine, but I hoard so many stripper outfits I need a second one. I always feel energized by a new outfit and I don’t know if it affects my cash flow, but I’m pretty addicted to shopping for new stripper clothes.
I’m a dominatrix too, and I happened upon a great storage solution last year (late to the comments party, I know, but maybe it will still be helpful to someone).
You know the wire grids that you’re supposed to hang in your kitchen or your garage? (they’re just plain 1″x1″ grids that, when bracketed on to a wall, will stand about 3/4 of an inch away from it). I bought a few of them, and some hooks, and hang all of my lingerie and other work costumes from it. Not only does it keep everything organized, together, and easy to find/put away, but it also stops you from “losing” stuff at the bottom of your bag. I know when I’m surveying the available outfits, I’m really seeing everything I have, so I have more options. It’s been a lifesaver, and has basically zero footprint from your actual floorspace.
Very late to the comments game but I just spent the past week organising my stripper wardrobe.
For my standard lingerie sets (ie bra and panties) I use jewellery/scarf coat hangers to hang each pair (admittedly with the bra folded/twisted) and in colour order. I then have a clothing rail for the other items. It’s height adjustable but I left mine set up on the lowest setting at about waist height to allow me to see over the top of it to the hangers. I use skirt hangers on the rail to hang multiple items together as the clips can hold things and stop items draped over the top from sliding off. On one hanger I have bikinis, dresses hang individually, I keep one hanger full of little panties that aren’t part of a set. I also hang corsets this way, curling them round and clipping them next to the lacing/hooks. The bottom bars of the clothes rail, I stash my shoes in pairs and hang a couple of shoe bags on the ends of the rail to easily bag and transport them.
This works for me as I only need one outfit per night where I work so I can choose that outfit before I leave. On the odd occasion where I’ve been unsure what to take, I’ve quickly picked up two or three hangers, stuffed them into a small suit bag and easily carried them and stored them at work.
Hey girl hey!
That list was detail on fleek, but on point.
Nothing’s a bigger mission then working in a club where theres no assigned lockers just those for “day use”..
Or the washing machine that eats what it pleases, still digesting your favourite custom top.
If your not hand washing yes hust tie loose strings/ties togegher. Not to tight if those get wrapped up in the machine during spin cycle….
Yuck.
With a great “delicates bag” made for washing machine and the delicate cycle with some extra laundry softener (add some sented beads)
That will extand the fresh smell and prevent wrinkles after hang or tumble drying.
Keep the wash loads small. !
A work bags bff… Good quality Zip Locks! Every outfit /dress,
Socks ,strings anything and everything
Take a new or even just went threw the dryer Dryer sheet and roll they outdit around it. Place it in the most form fitting to the out fit zip lock.
Bikini(thong top)+dryer sheet. In a zip lock sandwich bag.
Your dresses will stay wrinkle free. Just roll them but don’t stretch
But zip lock bags hold everything and jeel them air Tight. There’s just so many things, ways and tips
Im the one who has everything in her bag.
But being over prepared is way more awesome than being the slightest under prepared.
Just have as much fun with it that u can. Your a dancer an entertainer. When your in that zone eveything u use and have , on you in your bag and all are your tools. Its what reflects your brand!!
Xx jess
You are dead right! I danced for 10+ years and earned a ton of regulars and of course tons of money. I wore one very unique outfit/costume 80% of the time. I found that it made me stand out from my co-workers and I felt, it helped my customers remember me the next time they came in (respect if they were drinking a lot). The panties and bikini tops were always in a sandwich Ziploc baggie with 1 dryer sheet. For emergencies, I always had a back up dress and/or bikini set…. Store them the same. Always kept my things in a rolling suitcase with a small combination lock. Don’t use one with a key! You also need a back up pair of shoes in case your good ones break while you’re in the middle of your shift. That’s my advice.Good luck everyone.