Comments on: Dear Tits and Sass

By: Ashley

Ashley — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 22:20:37 +0000

It sounds like the fiance was only quoting what the stalker said to her when she referred to the lady in question as “trashy” – she didn’t say it herself. Her email was otherwise very polite. She deserves to know what she is getting herself into, and while that shouldn’t be the questioner’s responsibility, as a fellow woman I would think she would feel an obligation to help.

Otherwise, I think Isobel’s suggestion in her second paragraph is spot on.

By: Isobel

Isobel — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 21:00:02 +0000

When I was stalked by my ex the police (in Virginia) told me that there wasn’t a damn thing they could do about it unless they had proof that I had 1) told him in no uncertain terms to stop talking to me and leave me alone and 2) never again contacted him, logging each offense of his in writing and getting verification if possible. At that point I wasn’t about to contact him again to tell him to fuck off so I just kept ignoring him for a few more weeks, when he was arrested for possession of over 2 gigs of kiddie porn…but anyway!

So IF you’re going to reply to him -or “the fiancee”- make sure you respond with “we have never had a relationship, he has been stalking me for *howeverlong* and I have already told him to stop. Consider this my final warning and if I hear from EITHER of you again I will go to the police and press charges with the [years, months, etc] of evidence that I have.” Screencap and record everything you possibly can and take it to the police.

If you’re not going to respond (which I recommend. I’d have no respect for someone who calls me “trashy”, even by proxy like “she” did) just block him everywhere that you can. Put up a google filter for his email, block him on facebook and twitter, report him as spam or inappropriate wherever you can. Just cut him off.

By: Monsieur Jongleur

Monsieur Jongleur — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 20:51:58 +0000

Have any of you ladies read “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker? There’s several chapters worth of good stuff about dealing with stalkers. It sounds like LW has done everything right so far, but some of the advice in de Becker’s book was strikingly counter-intuitive, so I thought I’d mention it.

Great place. I’ve been lurking for weeks.

By: TastyTrixie

TastyTrixie — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 17:38:18 +0000

Has she told him and his supposed girlfriend to stop contacting her? It’s good to make screen caps and take pictures and keep records of every creepy thing he’s done, but the other important part of that is having a record of having told the stalker to stop, to stay away, etc. I’ve heard that if after telling someone to stop calling, etc. if they do it three more times it’s officially stalking or something. I’m too lazy to verify that though and it probably varies from place-to-place.