YESSSSS!

We deserve better than self-congratulatory ‘allies’ tbh.

Real allies want to know how they can best help a marginalized group.

This lady seems to want to be part of the spotlight, to be seen as some sort of heroic savior swooping in to save the poor hapless sex workers who, oh gosh aren’t we precious, are trying to help themselves.

I’m not a newborn kitten, and I don’t appreciate being treated like one. Rejecting patronizing shit like this is not in-fighting but demanding better, and I’m glad you called it out.

Also, shit, do we have ANY real allies fighting for us? Because I see a lot of sexworker exclusive radfems ‘advocating’ about the porn industry when all they really want is to advance their beliefs about criminalizing it/criminalizing us. I see a lot of wanna-be-edgy, sex-posi people ‘advocating’ for us in ways that help them, while not helping or actively harming us. What I don’t see are any actual fuckin’ allies.

This, oh my god this. I want to tattoo every word of your post on bad allies or at least print it across their toilet paper so every time they need to pee they’re reminded of the importance of not being a shitty ally.

As someone whose only experience in sex work is as a domme, I’ve had times where I questioned if I got to call myself a sex worker. But the fact is while I face less stigma than full service sex workers, I do still face a lot of shaming and stigma. And working with someone’s sexual fantasies is sex work, even though I don’t have physical sexual contact with them. I struggled enough to figure out if this was a title I really fit under or not- so for someone who isn’t in any debatable form of sex work at all to decide they want the title, without any of the hardship, the stigma, or the danger? No. Fuck that shit, that is unacceptable.

I have all the sympathy in the world for my fellow sex workers who are struggling with the whoriarchy, struggling with doing sexual work that they aren’t-quite-sure if it’s sex work or not. But people who aren’t sex workers in any sense of the term but want to take on our labels anyway? Uh, no. Hell fucking no. That is the definition of Bad Allies, and frankly, I get sick and tired of being told to be nice to bad allies because “they mean well!”

All too often, shitty allies will speak over us when we try to tell them why they need to stop doing this stuff, so I don’t give them the benefit of the doubt anymore. As a lesbian, I don’t tolerate bad allies. As an NB person, I don’t tolerate bad allies. As a Jew, I don’t tolerate bad allies. And as a sex worker? I’m not gonna tolerate bad allies. “They mean well” isn’t good enough. Good intent isn’t enough. I refuse to continue settling for shitty allies who do more harm than good.

Well Annie – IF it were the sex work activist advocating, maybe it wouldn’t be just porn industry that will be talked about. This is why “allies”suck and need to take the back seat. Most sex work activists I know will not see anything successful in only a section of the industry being “legalized”. But you- Annie , have no idea because you have been OUT OF THE LOOP even though you keep putting yourself in the spot light about the sex work movement .

Allies have taken over peer based sex work movement, taken over conversations about trafficking, about art, media, and representation. It is RIGHT that sex workers demand voice back.

This is NOT about sex workers movement fighting each other. It is about movement uniting to call out ex-worker who is CONTINUOUSLY making classist remarks and negating the whole sex work activism.

Sex workers CAN self represent , it is not ALLIES that will make the difference in the end. We are NOT victims or people to be patronized. We need to be at the front and center of this topic of discussion, and allies need to support and believe in us that we can fight for ourselves, self represent, and demand the changes to policies that affect us. If they feel allies are more important, or that we can not do it without you – you need to go somewhere else.

I am an ACTUAL sex worker, who does sex acts for money, and I’m so over non sex working people (esp. “educators”, journos, management staff, etc.) wanting to define, usurp, and co-opt the sex worker movement, just to get some sex worker cred without having to share in the stigma, isolation, and fear that accompanies it.

There are similar arguments in the fat acceptance movement, and while a lot of folks disagree with me, I firmly believe: NOT EVERYONE gets to identify as fat, or a sex worker, or a PoC, or disabled, etc etc. If you’re not dealing with the real life manifestations of the oppression faced by a marginalized group, you don’t get to just claim the moniker.

That is some Bad Ally 101 nonsense. I don’t even care what folks want to call themselves: sex worker, hooker, whore, prostitute, etc. (though sex worker is inclusive in a way that the other terms are not). The point is, if your allyship is dependant on workers being OK with you, a non sex working person, appropriating our language, then you’re not an ally. You can support us without BEING us, speaking over us, and dominating the spotlight. Step the fuck back and check yourself.

Thank you!

There’s too much for me to respond to here, and a lot of it has been addressed elsewhere (http://eithnecrow.wordpress.com/2014/08/14/injustices-that-matter-reclaiming-space-from-allies-at-fantasies-that-matter-images-of-sex-work-in-media-and-art/), but I really need to push back against your definition of transphobia. It’s not just active hate, it’s not just intentional behavior, it’s expressions of a systemic oppression, hateful or not, intentional or not, and to act as if this one woman and her feelings are more important than trans women and their feelings is not okay. Hopefully she will hold that hurt and do some reading and learn and grow, and at that point be welcomed back into these spaces. There certainly won’t be an institutional impediment for her. Meanwhile, trans women face those institutional impediments all the time along with these microagressions from those who just don’t know any better. It’s important not to lose sight of that. Compassionate critique isn’t always that which leaves people feeling good about themselves; it’s that which provides them space to grow, and it seems that woman is indeed being given that space.