Tell Us: What Puts Your Panties In A Bunch?

by suzyhooker on October 21, 2013 · 18 comments

in This Time, It's Personal

Mmmmkay?  (image via

Mmmmkay? (image via

If there’s one thing we love here at Tits and Sass (besides vagina pageants and corny films about sex work, that is) it’s complaining. And it’s our dedication to this fine art that led us to conceive of a poll where you, our dear readers, could weigh in on the worst things about your jobs. We excluded the most obvious and serious options (the stigma; the illegality; the cops) and focused instead on some of the more precise sources of annoyance, usually client based. Voting will be open until Wednesday at 11:59pm PST, after which we’ll have another vote on Friday to rank the top three responses in each field. Leave out anything we missed in the comments and please, feel free to rant.  

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

B October 21, 2013 at 4:06 pm

Oh god, why isn’t there an “all of the above” option?


Nadine St Ives October 21, 2013 at 4:21 pm

I’m not a pair of shorts. You won’t find me in the bargain bin because I’m never ON SALE.

If I offer a discount on my advertised rates I do so at my discretion not because…

1. You think I am too expensive.
2. It’s your birthday. (Is it REALLY your birthday because I have a feeling you are lying out of your tight arse)
3. You can’t afford me, or…
4. You just don’t want to pay my rate.

Whatever the reason, if you can’t or won’t pay my advertised rate, don’t insult me (or you) by haggling. Because the answer will be: “Keep on walking”.. Or, if I’m in a bad mood: “Go fuck YOURSELF.”


Ceara Lynch October 21, 2013 at 7:27 pm

Yay! I can vote too. Thanks for adding a section for fetish providers.

“I want to do whatever you want to do!” was easily my pick. Exactly 0% of the guys who say that are into being ignored for a ridiculous amount of money. Go figure.


Stacey October 22, 2013 at 12:12 pm

YES! I have always wanted to respond with: “What I want is for you to pay me double and leave right now.”

In client speak “I want to do whatever you want to do” actually means “magically figure out my incredibly obscure and unusual fantasy and make it reality. I will not give you any hints or clues, in fact I am unable to talk about my own desires in any meaningful way. I probably don’t even consciously know what they really are. And I expect you to have lots of (incredibly expensive and specific) equipment readily available. Oh, and if you can’t figure it out I will be whiny and extra annoying. And not only will I not book again, I will trash you in any forum I can find (to other members of the community, on ratings boards, etc.).”


Charlotte Shane October 23, 2013 at 1:54 am

This comment is beautiful. And yet infuriating because of how spot on it is.


Evie October 21, 2013 at 7:46 pm

As someone who works inside a club and outside of it:

Strippers who judge me for escorting; escorts who judge me for stripping. I have experienced both, on multiple occasions. Stigma comes from within the community too.


Amelia October 21, 2013 at 11:54 pm

This list makes me wonder — since I’ve only ever stripped in a city with strict laws against physical contact, charging cover, and girls directly asking customers for money (or drinks) — whether it is not as much of a rampant problem for other strippers that some customers basically don’t pay. Does it fall under the category of legality issues mentioned in the intro? I hope that it isn’t as much of a problem in other cities, but I can’t help but notice the absence from this list of complaints about people sitting in the club not “tipping” (not paying). We have people like handshake man, who makes you touch his (likely-unwashed) hand for the possibility of one dollar, and sometimes still does not give you any money after shaking your hand and so has watched you dance AND touched you for free.

As for the escorting category, it’s hard to choose one because they all seem so intertwined. “Rough and ceaseless stimulation on your most sensitive parts” is related to “demands that you orgasm” and even to “acting like they’re doing you a favor,” which I suspect is kinda like the “passive aggressiveness presented as being submissive” on the domme list (although I’ve never done that kind of work), and I think that the escort list could even have a cousin item to that one “selfishness presented as being selfless” (I don’t care if my clients are self-centered during the call, but I do care if they are fake-selfless in a way that makes my work goals impossible to meet and definitely doesn’t make me respect them or want to continue a long term escort-client relationship).

I think this could be a fun exercise for venting, but from a serious standpoint it makes me feel disheartened by my own inability to compartmentalize and find solutions to what I feel are the negative aspects of sex work.


Bubbles October 23, 2013 at 1:44 am

I guess I feel like customers who are in the club but not tipping are, well, not customers? I can’t be annoyed by them if I’m not interacting with them. But you’re right! In cities where you rely on stage tips, there’s nothing more annoying than a club full of customers who stare—or even worse, clap and cheer—but don’t tip.


BP October 21, 2013 at 11:58 pm

I also get would-be price hagglers in my fetish work. So exhausting. The younger ones like to ask for a “student discount.” Um, guess what, I’m a student too, genius!

Along with subs who expect that I enjoy their fetish as much as they do outside of work (NOPE), I would add:

*flakes, no-shows, pic-collectors and other time-wasters who have no intention of actually booking (seems even after 10 yrs in the biz I STILL can’t weed all of them out successfully)
*regulars who develop romantic or emotional attachments that I have to believably play along with/indulge because I need the $
*clients who make gross racist/bigoted comments about other providers and expect it not to bother me since I’m white/thin even though it actually disgusts me to the point that I won’t see them again unless I am desperate


BP October 22, 2013 at 12:00 am

Also wish there was a section for sugar babies & phone workers!


Miss Margo October 22, 2013 at 4:36 am

TIME WASTERS!!!! Who book but don’t show, and don’t even email to cancel!

And clients who project their personal shame about seeing sex workers onto YOU.


Caty Simon October 22, 2013 at 4:02 pm

Oh, man, I can’t believe we forgot timewasters/flakes/blowoffs as an option when we went over this list! Have had two ppl who made appointments just not call to confirm right beforehand and then be totally unreachable today. Fuck clients.


Miss Margo October 24, 2013 at 6:02 am



Claire October 22, 2013 at 11:31 am

Please add:-

Speaks to me in a special moron tone because he thinks I’m too stupid to perceive an insult.



Charlotte Shane October 23, 2013 at 1:55 am

We went back and forth so many times over “having to pretend you’re stupider than you are to save his fragile ego” and I think this is a definite cousin


Sina October 22, 2013 at 1:57 pm

I could tick all of the above. athough my Screening process fortunately makes sure that for the most part i don’t Encounter hagglers/time wasters/very stupid clients


Charlotte October 22, 2013 at 4:01 pm

My personal “I want to punch you right now” is “you’re so smart, you could be doing so much better”, or some other variation. Yeah hun, we could all be doing better. I just don’t have the nerve to tell you about it.

Also, overly dramatic and passive aggressive mixed into the same personality can be a special kind of infuriating.


Crimson October 23, 2013 at 2:08 am

I have started being totally honest with the folks who pull the “I want to do whatever you want to do”, usually some variation of I’d like you to pay me so I can go to the movies/read/have sex with someone who is not you. Or I just say ok, put them in bondage and curl up with a book. It’s amazing how quickly they can come up with some ideas after that!

I’d also like to add: “I’d do anything for you. No, really. I’m yours.”. I have yet to see my requested private jet, furnished loft in Brooklyn or paid off school loans.

And this one isn’t fetish worker specific but: “You had so much fun you should be paying *me*!” NOPE.


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