Portland

Stripper Music Monday: An Amazing Alanis Morissette Tribute Performance

by Bubbles on June 17, 2013 · 0 comments

in Naked Music Monday, Strippers

Image via Exotic Mag

Image via Exotic Mag

Portland, OR, frequently cited as the U.S. city with the most strip clubs per capita, and an annual vagina beauty pageant, crowns a Miss Exotic Oregon each year. Local strip club ad rag Exotic (which also publishes a column by Tits and Sass Portland correspondent Elle) hosts the competition, a fine celebration of the strong theatrical elements of Portland stripping. In a town where stage performances are still strongly appreciated, dancers don’t hesitate to augment their pole skills and acrobatics with detailed costuming, stage sets, and choreography.

Sometimes one of them goes even further, bringing a level of emotional commitment and thematic strength to her performance that wouldn’t look out of place at Miss Exotic World. Thanks to my fellow Tits and Sass contributor Kat, I’ve been watching this video in amazement all morning. This is Jordan, who represented downtown’s Golden Dragon at this year’s competition, and her performance is a ten-minute-long tribute to Alanis Morissette. She has two supporting partners in her set, a male dancer playing her lover, and another female dancer he cheats on her with. It’s next-level pageant performance art. [READ MORE]

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On Stripper Burnout

by Kat on March 25, 2013 · 12 comments

in Blond Leading the Blind, Strippers, Tools of the Trade

Burnout is a beast with which anyone doing emotional labor is all too familiar. It can be devastating when you pay to work and your income depends on appearing… not burned out. Isn’t it wild how you think everything’s cool and then out of nowhere and you find yourself paralyzed by the mere thought of approaching customers because you just know they’ll say something stupid and ruin your night?

Maybe you strip in a city where 60 strip clubs compete for a small market by continually raising stakes and lowering prices, desperately trying to lure business with $9.99 surf ‘n’ turf, $1 Pabst Blue Ribbon, dollar dances, free buffets, free porn, midget features, topless bartenders, topless waitresses, topless DJs, naked violinists. Your peers are diving headfirst into laps chasing single dollar bills like retrievers, two-girl tangoing, butt-plugging, Tootsie Pop-penetrating, and that’s just on stage.

Maybe you think about how much money you spend on the costs of being a Responsible Adult and divide it by $20 lapdances and it hurts your heart. Or you hear “Young Turks” and you think about how many times you must have heard that song when it was on the jukebox of your first club in 2003 but now you really understand “life is so brief/time is a thief when you’re undecided,” and the thought of having to shave is reason enough not to try today.

I’m sure you won’t be surprised to find out that I’m describing myself. But you might be surprised to know that I’m still a decent earner. All it takes is just a consistent conscious effort. I’m out here fighting the good fight against burnout. If your shifts are wastes of makeup and sometimes you make a U-turn in the strip club parking lot, I feel your pain. This list is for you. [READ MORE]

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Beauty is in the Eye of the Beerholder

by Poppy Cox on February 22, 2013 · 9 comments

in This Time, It's Personal

I am 28 years old. I am 5’4″. I weigh 155, about—I actually have not weighed myself for years, but I have worn the same dress size since I was fourteen years old. I figure as long as my clothes fit, there is no need to keep track of my actual weight. I ride my bike everywhere I go. I am energetic and I rarely feel like my body holds me back. I eat what I want and most of what I want is healthy. However, I do think life is too short to not eat a goddamn piece of cheesecake if I want it.

I hate validating myself in this way, but I feel I need to tell you these details because apparently I’m “fat.” And definitely too “fat” to be a stripper.

Having gotten my start stripping at the Lusty Lady in San Francisco, I moved to Portland for a totally separate job. Eventually, I started working at a couple of places on the outskirts of town. I hadn’t even worn heels for over a year, so I figured I would keep a low profile while I got my strength back. As I gained confidence, I contacted a booking agent. She had me do an audition shift at a club where she was short a girl that day. When she stopped by to see me dance, she told me I was too heavy to work in one of the clubs she booked for, but there didn’t seem to be any complaints at the one I auditioned at, so she would schedule me there. I worked there for six weeks. I made pretty good money (even though I was only given day shifts) and I got along with everyone. The clientele was right up my alley: middle-aged white guys. They dig my style, the music I dance to, and my body (especially the fact that I don’t shave all my pubes off!) and I was happy.

Then one week I just wasn’t on the schedule. Then the next week I wasn’t on the schedule. So I called to ask why I had basically been fired. Apparently, a “customer complained” about how I looked. I have my doubts about if that’s true, but even if a customer did complain, would they have taken a skinny girl off the schedule? [READ MORE]

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Striplandia Resolutions

by suzyhooker on January 17, 2013 · 3 comments

in Strippers

The Lucky Devil dressing room

In the city that has so many sexually oriented businesses that it’s known as “Pornland, Whoregon,” we asked a handful of dancers what they’d like to strive for in 2013. To find an upcycled brass pole for the house? To save up for that tattoo of a zombie bacon cupcake with a mustache?

It turns out that the stripsters of Portland want the same things that strippers everywhere want: to drink less soda and tell more lies. You’re welcome to share your own work and/or personal resolutions in the comments section. 

“I want to be more positive and spend more time appreciating what life has given me.” —Oasis, Mystic

“I will publish my first book and be on a cover of a tattoo magazine!” —Elle, Lucky Devil

“This year I think I’d like to start an intense savings plan, commit to a more healthy lifestyle, and take a tour of the east coast—visit all the historical sites and whatnot.” —Juniper, Lucky Devil

“I’m going to give myself a breast self-exam once a month and walk my dog more.” —Caprice, Golden Dragon

“I’m going to keep putting cash before ass (but hopefully get some action sometime before 2014), travel dance, finish my stripper comic, and get into grad school.” —Red, Casa Diablo

“I’d like to quite drinking soda… not the most exciting but that’s it.” —Gabriela, Lucky Devil

“First is taking more time to let my creative side run wild and second, I am going to snail mail five handwritten, heartfelt letters to people who positively affect my life.” —Holladay, Pirate’s Cove

“[Mine are] to read all my favorite classics again, to be more consistent with practicing yoga, and to have more eye contact with customers once my clothes come off on stage.” —Natalia, Dolphin II

“I’m not going to give out as much personal info at work and lie more.” —Holland, Exotica International

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Portland Strippies Tonight

by Elle on December 4, 2012 · 0 comments

in Strippers

Photo by Happy Robot Photography/Kyle Helstein

It’s that time of year! No, not Christmas. ‘Tis the season of The Strippies, Portland’s only exotic dancer awards show based entirely upon votes by industry workers and fans! I took a moment to speak with one of the co-creators, former dancer Hezzy Tayte, about this year’s show.

What are some of the major differences between this year and the prior two years?

We’re changing up a lot of the voting rules this time. Our main goal is to make things as fair as we can. First of all, you can only win a maximum of two categories. This time nominations will be voted on by the public, but the winners will be decided by a secret panel of judges, who will be revealed at the show. The exception is the Stripper of the Year award. The three nominees will perform at the show and the winner will be decided by a live vote, which we did the first year.

What are some of the new categories?

We’re adding the Golden OG award this year. Two dancers will be chosen to be inducted into the Stripper Hall of Fame each year.

Who will you have performing?

The show will be hosted by me and Ed Forman. We’ll have Ozzy, Remmington Reignz, and Holladay performing, who all won awards last year, as well as the three nominees for Stripper of the Year, and some special surprise guests. We’ll also have a fashion show to kick things off and the big screen debut of the Shit Strippers Say videos.

What have been some of the challenges in creating this awards show?

It’s challenging to keep things fair. We started the show because we wanted there to be a competition free from strip club politics and bought votes. We really want girls from every club to be represented and have a shot at winning. But mostly it’s getting all those drunk people on stage at the right time. It’s like wrangling cats! Except sexier!

The Third Annual PDX Strippies are tonight at Star Theater. Online tickets here. Find more Strippies on Facebook and twitter. 

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