Men Love It When You Really Glob It On: Sex Work via Futurama

by Johanna on April 1, 2013 · 10 comments

in Prostitution, Television

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Futurama: definite contender for “greatest show of all time.” You already know it’s hilarious, but do you also know that it’s actually about sex work? Allow me to demonstrate with a series of GIFs, clips and humorous macros that I am convinced we can all relate to.
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 Few television characters embody the Douche Client more perfectly than Zapp Brannigan. You know the type: massive yet fragile ego that requires constant stroking, weird obsession with own perceived attractiveness, and a stable of skin-crawlingly irritating “seduction” techniques.

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Once a client asked me to wait to lie down because he just needed to move the Chanel bedspread. He also told me his spa pool was made of imported marble. He did not tip. I bet Zapp never tips.

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So many feelings, and they’re all your problem.

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Yup.

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We’ve all encountered this guy too:

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Who for some reason is often also this guy:

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Sometimes, you just have to shut that shit down.

Futurama also understands the complex banalities of the sex worker lifestyle:

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Sometimes when I read my escort advert I almost buy into my own hype, but then I remember that I wrote it while drinking in bed at 3 in the afternoon, surrounded by empty beer cans and wearing a t-shirt that hadn’t (let’s be honest, still hasn’t) been washed in 4 months.

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Never has a single youtube clip better encapsulated my entire work philosophy:

Finally, Futurama reminds us that nothing feels better than letting it all hang out after a long day or night.

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A drink never hurt anyone either.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Reasoner April 1, 2013 at 4:07 pm

Futurama and Archer are probably the best things that have ever been on TV.

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Johanna April 1, 2013 at 7:50 pm

I already feel like I cheated on Parks and Rec by saying that. And The Golden Girls. Blanche Devereaux has a lot to teach us all about hustle.

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Miss Dior Dandridge April 1, 2013 at 11:34 pm

this is brilliant, though blanche is pretty much hbic

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Johanna April 2, 2013 at 12:21 am

a million times yes. Also, useful and relevant tip: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw2uxc8l7p1qax519o1_500.png
Thanks Mama Blanche.

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Simone Boheme April 4, 2013 at 2:47 am

@Johanna… TRUTH!!! Blanche totally gets it!!

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BD April 5, 2013 at 5:36 pm

This is totally hilarious and wonderful.
I only read, never have commented before, but I love Tits and Sass. The women/people who run/contribute to/comment on this site make being an escort less lonely. Thank you for existing!

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Amanda April 12, 2013 at 8:20 am

I love this. LOVE Futurama. Only thing you missed was the Kegelcizer, which should fall somewhere into this post.

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Johanna April 13, 2013 at 1:36 am

you’re right, that was definitely an omission!

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LoriAdorable May 15, 2013 at 2:35 am

I’m re-watching season 2 right now, and I’d be remiss not to point out episode 7, when Bender sells his body. Literally. The professor replies, “Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I’ve been down that road. I know it’s glamorous and the parties are great, but you’ll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skin-tight pants!”

Later, Bender says that he doesn’t need a body, because “they’re only for hookers and fat people.”

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Jake August 6, 2014 at 8:43 am

Heck yeah Futurama! Amazing to see other fans enjoying that show in the same way I have. After a rough day there are few things more relaxing than seeing Zoidberg’s shenanigans.

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