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Pretty Woman: Toddler Edition

It would appear that we are not the only people celebrating Richard Gere’s birthday. This week’s Toddlers & Tiaras featured a three year-old named Paisley (a stage name, I presume) doing a Pretty Woman tribute. The Parents Television Council (and a bunch of other people) are not impressed.

Paisley’s mother explained her side to Entertainment Weekly:

She says that if people saw Paisley’s entire routine, which later has her daughter dressed as Roberts’ reformed character in a demure brown dress, they wouldn’t have quite the same outrage.

“I’m amazed it’s caused this much of a frenzy,” Dickey says. “The judges loved it. Everybody except one particular mom went nuts over it. It was the cutest thing ever. It was very innocent. A lot probably would have been different if they aired the whole entire routine instead of just the hooker part.”

“Just the hooker part”? Am I looking at a tiny little Beverly Wilshire Hotel front? “A demure brown dress”? Why would anything that someone who has barely graduated from shitting in a diaper is wearing need to be clarified as “demure”? The judges did love the routine because young Paisley won this particular pageant. Now her mother plans to auction the mini-ho getup and donate the proceeds to… an anti-abortion organization.

Just A Regular Day in the Park…

I have a policy that fetish play is just that, play, and as such I am loathe to take it into the public eye. This policy exists for a few reasons, the most important being that I hate when people push their shit on me, so I’m not going to push mine on them. I get grossed out by overly lovey couples, religious zealots, and the lot. Walking a slave on a leash in the middle of Downtown Dallas would be right along those lines as far as I’m concerned.

Having said all that, it is pretty hilarious. I imagine that there are submissives wanking to this as I type, so many people have that “In Public” fetish. Most of them are too chickenshit to go through with it though, so I admire this guy’s bravery. He isn’t even wearing a costume!

Stephen Colbert responds to the New York Post

I’m all about Stephen Colbert’s response to last week’s headline in the New York Post. I wonder how many other headlines we can make up with the word “hooker” where it makes no sense.

Sweatpants Boner Man, Widemouth Bass Man, and Other People Not to Be at the Strip Club

Paul Carr has been writing a series of reports from Las Vegas for the Huffington Post with his sobriety as the hook—what’s it like to be in Vegas sober, etc. His guide for part of the trip has been Ruth Fowler, fellow sober person, former stripper and author of the memoir No Man’s Land. For the fourth installment of Carr’s report, they met up with Daisy Delfina and GCupBitch to record a hilarious video that, in the best possible way, sounds exactly like strippers ranting at a diner after work.

I’ve sat at the rack at a truck stop titty bar with Ruth, worked with G on opposite ends of the continent, and shared a dinner table with Daisy. They are charming and bright women and the perfect ambassadors to bring the term “sweatpants boner man” into the wider lexicon. Here’s the original Stripper Web thread where the term was coined. To the best of my knowledge, adult film performer and feature dancer Ginger Lee was the first one to use the phrase. Now it can be known that Sweatpants Boner Man is the new Raincoat Charlie.

Nicki Minaj lapdancing for Steve Nash

So this is a regular feature of Nicki Minaj’s stage show now, where she pulls some available local or celeb on stage for a lapdance, telling them, “Legs open, hands behind your back, mouth closed.” That phrase comes verbatim from a strip club bouncer or DJ, guaranteed. Here she is doing it for Lil Wayne. Here she is doing it for the troops.