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Ho On The Go

You know how “high-class” escorts will sometimes say on their websites that they only see one client per day/week/month? We’re mostly full of shit. Clients, when your girl runs in to your appointment five minutes late and gasping for breath, saying that the poetry lecture/photo shoot/board meeting/violin concerto/other high-brow activity or impressive-sounding professional obligation ran over time, she’s most likely lying to you and was really just fucking around with another guy. Or doing something super mundane and unsexy, like dropping her kids off or waiting in line at the DMV. Point is, we hos, like everyone else, lead very busy lives. But we always want to show up looking perfect, unstressed, and like hanging out with you is the only thing, or at least the most exciting thing, that we’ll do that day. When someone is spending big money for a once-in-a-while luxury indulgence (as visiting a sex worker is for many guys, whatever dollar amount they’re spending on her), we want him to think the occasion is at least a little bit special for us, too. Here are NYC escort Deborah’s and my favorite tricks for looking instantly hot, classy, and put-together on those days when we have to rush around. 

Surviving Long Appointments

For lots of money, I bet she could! (image by Anne Taintor)

We all say we want them, but do we really? Longer appointments—all day, overnights, weekends or more—can be great money, but they can also be really taxing on your soul. No matter how much you like your work, staying in character and putting your client’s needs before your own for a long period of time can make anyone go a little crazy.

Whether you’re a stripper who’s committed to a couple hours in the champagne room, a dominatrix with a super-devoted slave, or anyone else who’s found themselves committed to more than they thought they bargained for, here are some ideas for making it through with your sanity intact.

If you have some other tricks of the trade to share, please leave them in the comments section.

Stripper Music Monday: 2001 And A Dying Format

Someone hit my car in a parking lot (he left a note), so it’s been in the shop for a week. The dealer’s loaner is lacking, stereo-wise; there’s no SiriusXM and not even an AUX input plug. After three whole days of thinking “broadcast radio is not cutting it,” I realized that even without being able to plug in my iPhone, there was a way to listen to music in this car. On CD. That means that somehow the old, hard-copy method of listening to music in cars did not register for a full 72 hours.

Strip club music plays from a computer now, unless you’re in a little bar with a jukebox or a stereo with an iPod jack (hello, Portland). If the club allows dancers any control over the music, the DJ will either download requests or rip them from iPods/phones/flash drives. So it’s rare now to see a dancer bring CDs to work. Until relatively recently the ones with a particular interest in what they danced to while on stage would regularly haul their CD cases up to the DJ booth every shift, though.

Some of My Best Moves Can Hurt You: Elle’s Martial Arts Training

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Would you know how to get out of this? Pictured: Elle and instructor Justin Norton

Foster Fitness is a humble little gym on SE Foster in Portland, OR. The atmosphere is chipper, the air perpetually sticky, and sometimes the young children of Troy, the owner, are toddling around. Foster offers a variety of martial arts classes: Jujitsu, Judo, Krav Maga, Karate, and my choice; Arnis (pronounced: Ar-niece). I like this place, but despite the dozen nearby adult businesses and dance clubs, I am the only female who trains there.

In only three years stripping, I’ve worked with hundreds of women. Recent statistics tell us that by the age of 18, one in four females and one in six males will have been sexually assaulted. And victimization statistics indicate that some individuals tend to be at a higher likelihood for victimization, meaning that they will experience assault more than once in their lifetime.

Why, then, am I the only woman in my class?

Being Nice to the Professionally Naughty: Holiday Gifts for Sex Workers

from glukkake’s etsy shop

Having trouble stuffing the sexiest stockings on your Christmas list? We’re here to help by sharing with you items both useful and fanciful on our collective wishlists.

Vagina Dentata Glow-in-the-Dark Underwear: I’d be so thrilled to see someone wear these at the club. How many customers would even notice? These would be perfect to wear while dancing to Lady Gaga’s “Teeth.—Bubbles

James Deen: for a few hours, no cameras allowed. — Charlotte

Spa Services: Even if your favorite sex worker is not a girly girl who keeps regular professional hair/nail appointments, there isn’t anyone among us who wouldn’t like a good massage. Gift certificates to a quality spa are a no-lose gift idea.—Bubbles