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Naked Music Monday: PARTYNEXTDOOR

When Beyoncé’s “Drunk In Love” first came into our lives, every stripper I know considered surfbort to be the highlight of her night at the club for a solid month. My escort friends curate playlists for their incall appointments and memorize which song signals the end of a session (try Semisonic’s “Closing Time” if the 90s are your thing and subtlety is not). If you ever pay me for sex, we will bump uglies to a bump-n-grind playlist of today’s top 40 hip hop. My middle-aged white clients probably do not identify as R&B fans, but their involuntary bodily response to a good beat makes my job a lot easier. The truth is that every professional has her favorite playlist for work, but not all songs are created equal. Any music that keeps our heads in the game despite the threatening click of loose dentures during cunnilingus is already doing a service to sex workers. But in addition to salvaging some of our least sexy sexy times, certain cultural producers seem to be the lone voices unironically celebrating our savvy skills as sex professionals. Enter Canadian rap artist and Drake protégé PARTYNEXTDOOR.

This guy joins a proud list of his countrymen (Drake, The Weeknd) in his lyrical appreciation for ladies of the night. But while we’ve long extolled his fellow Canucks for the special place they hold in their hearts for girls like us, there remains a significant disparity between him and the rest: PARTY doesn’t simply remark on the beauty of his hired hands. He lends a socio-political complexity to hegemonic narratives surrounding paid affection in a way his colleagues haven’t quite accomplished.

Stripper Music Monday: For When They Want To Watch Other Men’s Balls

Still from A League Of Their Own. If there's no crying in baseball then there's no crying at work.
Still from the film A League Of Their Own. Remind your customers that there’s no crying in baseball.

It’s that time of year again — the part of the year that I playfully refer to as sports season. For the next few weeks we’ll see an orgy of American sports converge — professional football, college football, preseason basketball, hockey, and of course, the World Series.

Any stripper will tell you that it’s definitely challenging  to sell a lap dance when The Big Game is on. The Big Game is like lap dance kryptonite. Sure, you might be standing there in a tiny little spandex outfit but the men on the big screen are also wearing spandex and, well, one must prioritize their spandex preferences.