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Escort Music Monday: Ambient Incall Songs

As we’ve learned from the titillating weekly edition of “Stripper Music Monday,” music plays a big part in setting a vibe which endears clients/customers to us and encourages them to open their pockets. As an escort, it’s important to me to have an ambient yet modern soundtrack to the experience at hand, and I get positive feedback on my playlist quite often, that which I play in the background during my appointments. When the music is good, the mood is more likely to be good, thereby putting clients more at ease. I also find that when a client recognizes even one song, he feels safer (though at the same time, diggin’ on music he’s never heard before can be intellectually stimulating). So recently I had a music buff client ask me to send him the contents of my playlist (cuz it’s that good), and I was inspired to share it here with you all as well, since I know I’m always on the hunt for new additions to my repertoire.  

The Greatest Strip Club Song Of All Time: Second Round

stripperballThanks to everyone who voted in the first round through the weekend! The field is down to 32 songs, and if you want to jump straight to the results, here is the bracket with the first round winners. Here is a Spotify playlist. Let’s move on to the second round, where you’ll cast your votes to decide who moves on into the Sweet Sixteen. Voting is open until 12am PST Thursday and the next round will be announced Thursday morning. Voting is open to everyone.

The Rock bracket had disappointing showings for “Black No. 1” and “Walk,” but I was impressed that everyone hates Nickelback SO MUCH that you knocked out the #2 seed right at the start. The second round matchup to watch? “Prison Sex” vs “Crazy Bitch.” Who will come out ahead? The durable goth/metal 90s hit or the deathless, awful Buckcherry anthem? If your unsurprising rock votes are any predictor, I’m going with Buckcherry. It’s like choosing between Sweatpants Boner Man and Guy With Shit Breath.

Stripper Music Monday: Electric Stripper

Laceandlucite graciously agreed to let us share the stripper mix she made last month. While I cannot stand LMFAO, there’s no arguing that this mix is a good, comprehensive overview of current stripper hits: you’ve got your Adele remix, some dubstep, and ubiquitous songs by Usher and Pitbull. She also adds some lesser-known tracks, like any good DJ. The lovely dancer who made this tape tumbls here and is a quality follow.

Stripper Music Monday: An Amazing Alanis Morissette Tribute Performance

Image via Exotic Mag
Image via Exotic Mag

Portland, OR, frequently cited as the U.S. city with the most strip clubs per capita, and an annual vagina beauty pageant, crowns a Miss Exotic Oregon each year. Local strip club ad rag Exotic (which also publishes a column by Tits and Sass Portland correspondent Elle) hosts the competition, a fine celebration of the strong theatrical elements of Portland stripping. In a town where stage performances are still strongly appreciated, dancers don’t hesitate to augment their pole skills and acrobatics with detailed costuming, stage sets, and choreography.

Sometimes one of them goes even further, bringing a level of emotional commitment and thematic strength to her performance that wouldn’t look out of place at Miss Exotic World. Thanks to my fellow Tits and Sass contributor Kat, I’ve been watching this video in amazement all morning. This is Jordan, who represented downtown’s Golden Dragon at this year’s competition, and her performance is a ten-minute-long tribute to Alanis Morissette. She has two supporting partners in her set, a male dancer playing her lover, and another female dancer he cheats on her with. It’s next-level pageant performance art.

Stripper Music Monday: Clap That Booty

It’s good to have a well-rounded repertoire of butt music. If you already have enough songs about isolating the gluteus maximus muscles, how about the booty clap? We got you covered. Now applause isn’t just that annoying thing that you can’t pay your rent with.