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Stripper Music Monday: Sexy Picks For April 1

Spring is sprung and so are the customers; once the vernal equinox kicks in, the whole world’s extra horny. So when you’re taking the stage this week, go all out and play these, the sexiest possible songs to strip to. We’ve pulled together the best, can’t-fail, guaranteed to draw customers to the rack picks for your stage sets this week, all of which come from first-or-second-hand experience as actual songs heard in the strip club. Here’s the full playlist on YouTube.

“That Smell,” Lynyrd Skynyrd

When the DJ plays this for you, you know you’ve been tipping him great and he’s trying to send the customers a message that they should get up close and personal.

“She’s Got The Jack,” AC/DC

You want the customers to know you’re up for a good time!

Naked Music Monday: Prince

Prince centerfold calendar spread from Creem Magazine
Prince was a centerfold; scan from Creem Magazine, June 1985

A game I like to play with my stripper friends sometimes is one where we pick our desert island strip club musicians: If you could only have five artists to dance to, ever, in the club, who would they be? The one artist that’s on everyone’s list is Prince.

There is no other catalog of music that has a broader application for strippers. Working in a club that banned hip-hop? Working in a hip hop club but feel like you can’t pull it off? DJ who doesn’t understand your requests? “Only top 40” rule? Old crowd? Young crowd? Prince has it covered like no other. And like Josephine said to me the other day, “Literally the worst pole dancer cannot screw up ‘Darling Nikki.'” When I was a baby stripper, dancing to Prince was how I learned to dance sexy on stage. “What would Prince do?” I thought, and then I humped the floor, and made more stage tips.

Escort Music Monday: Ambient Incall Songs

As we’ve learned from the titillating weekly edition of “Stripper Music Monday,” music plays a big part in setting a vibe which endears clients/customers to us and encourages them to open their pockets. As an escort, it’s important to me to have an ambient yet modern soundtrack to the experience at hand, and I get positive feedback on my playlist quite often, that which I play in the background during my appointments. When the music is good, the mood is more likely to be good, thereby putting clients more at ease. I also find that when a client recognizes even one song, he feels safer (though at the same time, diggin’ on music he’s never heard before can be intellectually stimulating). So recently I had a music buff client ask me to send him the contents of my playlist (cuz it’s that good), and I was inspired to share it here with you all as well, since I know I’m always on the hunt for new additions to my repertoire.  

Stripper Music Monday: Captains Spend and Save-A-Ho

I wonder if a hip hop video director ever says, “I like your idea for shooting in the strip club, but don’t you think that’s a little overdone? Perhaps we could make it rain elsewhere?” Nah. That never happens. Here’s Wale’s very NSFW video for “Bait.”

Watch it for the dancing, especially the awesome “stripper surfing on another stripper” pole move.

Stripper Music Monday: It’s Initiation Time

Welcome to the club! (image via flickr user dustout)
Welcome to the club! (image via flickr user dustout)

Starting a new club is never easy. You have to contend with the management, the staff, and a whole new crowd of customers. It takes a while, but eventually you adapt to the new atmosphere. So long as you make it through the initiationthe unspoken way a tight group of strippers sometimes try to break the new girl in. Try to not to take it personally. Use the music you dance to as a passive-aggressive tool to protect yourselfand impress everyone in the process. Here’s how I do it.

Once I feel comfortable at my new club, I’ll begin requesting changes to my setlists. The retaliation begins when dancers giggle and request a couple of my freshly incorporated tracks into their stage sets during our shift together, as if it will get a rise out of me the way it riles them up, seeing stacks thrown at another dancer “ruining their song.” You know, “Pussy Liquor.” Their song.

When this situation occurs, I wait for my eyes to return to their proper position post-roll and gather songs from these dancers’ elementary school days, ensuring that they either don’t know them, or would never think to request them because it’s much too difficult to pout at yourself in the mirror as they’re played. The following list contains songs that aren’t necessarily obscure—but if the club DJ still used vinyl or CDs, these tracks’ albums would be the ones covered in dust.