At The Hairpin they have this thing where they “Ask a Dude” to give advice on matters of all sorts. Most fall along the lines of “Should I leave this relationship?” or “What does it mean when a guy does this?” type of questions. Last week, though, the featured Dude told a girl that turning a friend into a client by sleeping with him for money was a good idea—forward-thinking, even—and it was horrible advice.
There’s a reason most of us use pseudonyms, screen, and even blur our faces: We don’t want to have relationships with our clients beyond the actual transactional one we will already have. Clients can’t be friends, and friends can’t really be clients in the long run. When you actually know someone and they know you, they anticipate feelings (or you do), but somebody is doing a lot more thinking on the experience than “This is amazing, it feels so good!” In this girl’s case, that would be what her Mom might think and how he can use this as leverage to get more attention from her.
I have been asked many times both on my personal blog and in real life about getting into sex work, almost always by people who are in bad situations and really need the money, and I generally say they shouldn’t. I have a feeling most of us, if we are out to anyone, have been asked the same thing. This work is seen as an “all-in” sort of thing: Once you are in this world it’s something you don’t come back from in the eyes of other people, as evinced by some of the commenters asking if she’d be fine with her future husband finding out she had sex one time for money in 2011…because men ask about this sort of thing I guess. You kind of have to be committed beyond trying to pull together this month’s rent, and most of them aren’t. And beyond that I wouldn’t advise anyone to make a friend a client. Especially not a guy who is only willing to pay her because he knows she won’t spend time with him any other way, and that she needs the money (and is feeling desperate), because that kind of guy is a guy trying to take advantage of a bad situation. This guy sounds like a creep, not a friend. That’s not how you want to begin your career as a sex worker, nor is it how you want your first and only experience to go, right?
But, then again, I’m a Professional, not a Dude.