Aw, You Shouldn’t Have: A Compendium of the Odd Gifts We Receive

by Josephine on December 24, 2013 · 10 comments

in Clients, This Time, It's Personal

(photo by user garrettkipp. image via

(photo by user garrettkipp. image via

Sex work comes with a lot of fringe perks: convenient hours, creative work uniforms, and basically having the coolest job on the planet. One of the lesser-known perks of sex work are the gifts we receive: the tokens of appreciation that the men that favor us hand out around the holidays. Most of the time we get the traditional pretty girl-type gifts. A box of chocolates. An austere piece of jewelry. Maybe a bottle of perfume.

Any veteran sex worker will tell you that he or she has also unwrapped something a little…peculiar. It’s true—we get a lot of weird gifts (it’s worth noting that weird isn’t necessarily synonymous with bad). We’ve learned over time how to gracefully accept some, shall we say, unconventional presents.

Our clients and customers try, they really do, to mixed results. Bless their hearts.

We wondered: What sort of oddities have our readers received?

Elegant clothing.



Food is a reoccurring theme.









Drugs. Not bad.



Do not violate the Prime Directive.


It’s good that they considered the environment.


Uh, dead animals are also a reoccurring theme.




What are you hoping to find in your stocking for the holidays?

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Miss Margo December 24, 2013 at 11:16 am

What about miiiiine, you didn’t include mine…? I was on #weirdsexworkergifts!

I got the battery for a hearing aid one time and also clipped coupons to the drug store. Yes, battery to hearing aid, no shit, and my hearing is optimal & healthy. Another client tried to pay me with his wife’s used lingerie. La Perla! “IT’s VERY expensive!” he assured me. BARF


Evie December 24, 2013 at 12:09 pm

Half an Adderall; fresh-squeezed lemonade from a bougie grocery store; two be-glittered t-shirts from Octoberfest in Munich (his vacation) in size medium – I’m an xs.


Miss Margo December 24, 2013 at 4:49 pm

HALF AN ADDERALL haaahahahahhahahahahah


story December 27, 2013 at 6:17 pm

Grocery bags full of grapefruit. A collar for a cat. A homemade CD with creepy stalker songs.


Valentine December 28, 2013 at 9:06 pm

My regular client gave me a backpack full of things that I might need in the event of a zombie attack or natural disaster. It includes a machete, bear spray, flashlight, wind up/solar radio, first aid stuff, freeze dried food packets, water filters, air filters, emergency blanket, bottled water, and a bunch of other stuff!


danielle December 29, 2013 at 9:05 am

a heart-shaped, crystal-encrusted usb key with a couple of his holiday snaps on it

fatherly concern


The Lusty Chick January 3, 2014 at 12:04 pm

A Christmas CD of him singing Christmas songs…….. REALLY bad!


Katie January 13, 2014 at 1:31 pm

A bag of broccoli fresh from their garden (god bless these horny farmers).

A snorkel.


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