Dear Tits and Sass Readers,
It has recently come to my attention that some of you *cough cough—male hobbyists—cough* think we are talking to you, and while on some days it’s kinda cute to watch you think you matter—to anyone, at all, ever— I just thought I’d take a minute here to set the record straight. If nothing else, the Tits and Sass editorial staff will now have a nice little post to link to the next time one of you forgets his place: silent, pondering, not commenting, and on my blocked list if you happen to forget.
Earlier today, one of our editors posted a call for submissions about how we feel about hobbyists. Adorably, a hobbyist thought that “we” included actual hobbyists. Because, you know. Men have no voice/power/platform/place or places to talk among themselves, so where else could they POSSIBLY talk about their entitlement if not on Tits and Sass?
Answer: Anywhere else you like, but never, ever here.
Presented for your consideration is the full, unabridged “submission” by said hobbyist, annotated with commentary.
A couple thoughts, since you asked: (We didn’t ask YOU though is the thing)
1. When I am travelling to a new place for vacation, I like to go to tripadvisor.com and read about what other tourists liked. I don’t necessarily have—or expect—the same experience as they did, but it helps set expectations.
Women are hotels. Wait, no. Women are tourist attractions. Wait. No. That sounds bad, too. Maybe it sounds bad because it is, in fact, a fucked up way of looking at women? You know what women are? People. Super weird, I know.
2. Gadget reviews—cameras, phones, projectors, whatever—are similarly helpful. And while reviews by pros are best, consumer reviews on amazon.com etc. can give you a pretty good sense of what kind of mind-numbingly confusing experience you can expect to have when you buy one of these things that you don’t know how to work.
WAIT I HAVE GOT IT THIS TIME! Women are gadgets. Also, women are toys to be consumed and rated. What an excellent argument in favor of reviews and hobby boards in general. The objectification angle is incredibly incisive, as women have never before been looked at as objects, and there are no ugly implications in such a crass oversimplification of the complexities of transactional sex. Unless you count things like rape and violence and the pressures that an “established reviewer” can put on a new escort to do whatever he wants her to do in order not to immediately ruin her own reputation. You know. Like a camera. You fucking moron.
3. Similarly, reviews of Providers can be very helpful to those of us occasionalists who don’t know how to work them, but are game to try. Is she giggly? Seductive? Energetic? New? Not new? It’s nice to know, and it’s only through review boards that anyone other than the most experienced Johns will know what someone may be like before they actually find out what she is like.
One good way to get a feel for who a sex worker is as a person is to read through her entire ad, website, and blog if she has one. It DOES require that you trust that a woman’s writing might give you a better idea of who she is as a whole person than you might get from the astute observations of the guy who has received and rated over one hundred blow jobs on TER, which is kiiiiind of a gamble. HOWEVER, it is entirely possible that if you grant her personhood in allowing her to demonstrate her own personality, you will not forget that she is actually not a camera during your time together! [You may or may not find this rewarding?]
4. What’s bad? Flamers suck, but you (and they) and oftentimes we know who they are. Numbers sort of suck, but they tend to trend towards accuracy and I don’t really care if someone who sounds like lots of fun got a 6 or a 7 from some alias John I don’t know.
Flamers do suck. Trolls suck. They sure do. You know what sucks EVEN MORE? Guys who think that their two hundred bucks and gold star reputation should earn him the right to take advantage of new or young escorts with community impunity. The problem isn’t the obvious flamers. The problem is the insidious, benevolent predators. How do you rate the anonymous John’s likelihood to rape or coerce unsafe services on a scale of 1-10? Or do you consider sufficient the current ratings system, dealing exclusively with whether your tourist attraction is giggly or seductive?
5. What’s worse? Not having the boards at all. Then all you’ve got is Backpage and self-run sites and LE and fake posts and…
Self-run sites ARE pretty sketchy, what with their female-written copy and lack of star ratings. Be honest. It’s worse for you. It’s worse for ONLY you. The illusion that the boards are a mutually beneficial necessity is a myth propagated by men exclusively because it reinforces male power over the industry. Many women—particularly career sex workers—advertise exclusively through Eros, social media, blogging, and search engine traffic. If you had to develop an actual understanding of the literal human being person that you are booking for your next sexual encounter, rather than seeing her as an enthusiastic cock hotel rated seven stars on T-E-R-dot-com, you could probably manage to figure out whether she’s a good fit for you or whether she’s actually holding a badge. Just a thought.
6. Trolls are everywhere. They’re on Civil War sites, Ford Mustang sites, F. Scott Fitzgerald sites, you name it. They’re worth suffering, because more info is always better than less, and God bless the www for it has set (some of) us free.
Trolls make the community less pleasant for hobbyists, like you. And hobbyists like you make the sex industry less pleasant for sex workers, like me. Don’t flatter yourself. We tolerate you, and we talk shit about you behind your back. The new girls may not understand how little power you truly have, but more and more girls are requesting “no reviews,” and it’s catching on. And, as a side note, as an “occasionalist” who needs reviews because he’ll never be anyone’s regular, your voice is essentially worthless from a business perspective. You’re a one-off. A gap filler. Not worth the investment. So why would any of us submit to your ratings system to make it easier for you to objectify us and see us once before racking up your next notch? We wouldn’t. And if you think I don’t value your business, you should just see how I feel about your voice. I don’t expect you’ve read this far, but perhaps a man will review it for you and put it in a couple numbers you could understand.
Good chat. I think we understand each other now—B